Hot and Cold
by Laura-Liz
Summary: Rikku's getting ready to marry the love of her life, and everything seems perfect. Nothing could go wrong on her special day...
1. Chapter 1: One of Those Days

"Yunie, what time is it?"

"Don't worry," she laughed, checking the clock on the wall. "You still have about half an hour." She smoothed down the golden dress she was wearing, obviously nervous herself.

"It's nearly time already!" Rikku gasped, butterflies swirling in her tummy, feeling somewhere between sick and bursting with excitement. It seemed as if she had been dreaming about this moment for a long time, and now that it was fast approaching she could hardly believe it was real.

Rikku examined her reflection in the long mirror; her long, strapless dress swept around her, enshrouding her in a haze of pearly glow. The corset was a soft blue, with golden lace that fastened it together at the back and delicate patterns of gold swirled in gracious spirals. Rikku had fallen in love with this dress; after only five minutes of shopping, it had been an easy trip. Yuna was persistent to keep looking, but nothing else could compare to it, and so Rikku got her dream dress. Every head will be turned in her direction! As she noted her appearance, Rikku thought her dress glowed. Or was it her? She smiled widely and teased out her hair a little more; for the first time in a while, her golden locks were free, and they framed her face beautifully.

Satisfied, Rikku turned to face her two bridesmaids – both dressed in gold – and beamed for the first time in an hour or so; there had been faces of panic, worry, fearfulness, but this is the first time she truly smiled.

"How do I look?"

"Radiant," smiled Yuna, clasping her hands and tilting her head.

Paine – who was anything but pleased that she had been forced into a dress – looked solemn for a moment, before smiling slightly and replying: 'Beautiful.'

None of them moved; Rikku twisted her body slightly left and right, in a sort of hypnotic movement, feeling slightly awkward. There was something about being the centre of attention that Rikku found nerving; she had to remember so many things that it seemed impossible to get through today and look graceful while doing so. But once _that_ part was over, everything else would be easier, surely?

"Are you nervous?" Yuna asked, seemingly reading her thoughts. Her smile had faded a little, as though sensing something wrong.

"Kinda," Rikku shrugged. "But mostly happy. Really happy. I just want everything to go right and be perfect."

"It will be!" Yuna cried enthusiastically.

"Unless the groom gets cold feet," murmured Paine, folding her arms haughtily.

Yuna gave her a wearisome, but also slightly amused, glare. "Why must you always be so negative?" she asked.

Rikku, however, giggled. "Oh, Yunie, you know she's always like that! Even on her own wedding, she'll be all doom and gloom!" However, nestled deep within the smallest part of her heart was the slight doubt of him not showing; just one of the things that could go wrong. Could Gippal give up his bachelor lifestyle to settle down and have a family?

"You're right," Yuna nodded, smiling. "Paine, you should stop being so miserable otherwise no one will want to marry you!"

On any normal day, Paine might have taken serious offence to a comment like this. But, Rikku knew, today was an exception due to the joyous occasion that was about to take place. "Who'd want to marry?" she threw back, though with little venom. "To be tied down, to do a man's bidding."

"How can you say that?" Rikku scolded, though was amused at Paine's cliché vision of how married life was like. "Being married is so romantic! Loving one person all your life, promising to stand by one another forever! To live happily ever after is everyone's dream!"

"A fool's dream," Paine replied, flatly, though a smirk danced upon her lips. "The minute you say 'I do' a ball and chain is slapped on your ankle."

And the three of them continued to bicker and chatter like old times until they had to rush off to the ceremony.

* * *

"Wait! W-we're not really for you yet!" Baralai stood with his arms flung open, blocking the way to the Besaid beach. He wore smart, dark green robes with a small New Yevon symbol blazed subtly on his chest, but his face looked worried and harried.

"What's the hold-up?" Rikku asked, butterflies fluttering nervously around in her stomach; her special moment was only moments away. Baralai glanced anxiously at her, his pale eyes gazing at her dress; there was an unreadable expression etched into his young face. He ran his hand through his pure white hair, before beckoning Paine to one side to chatter in harsh whispers.

Rikku, confused above everything else, peered round the natural rock formations that rolled onto the beach, glimpsing rows of people facing away from her – dressed smartly under the brilliant sun – soft white and sky-blue flowers wound around the archway at the end of the make-shift aisle, and there at the front stood an extravagantly dressed priest to conduct the marriage. But there was something missing...

"Where's Gippal?" she cried aloud, frantically looking from the empty spot at the altar to Baralai, who looked like he had just seen a ghost. There was no mistaking the suffocating silence that hung on the air between the four of them; by the look on the Praetor's face, something was definitely wrong.

"Where is he?" she yelped. Several people sitting in the rows of seats turned to look in their direction, distracted by her high pitched squeal and just as confused as Rikku about the absence of the groom.

Baralai hurried over to the bride, talking in the same calm reassuring voice he used to install peace. "We don't know where he is; he said he forgot something back at Besaid village but he never came back."

"Have you sent someone after him? Maybe he's been attacked by fiends!" Yuna exclaimed, looking desperately from Baralai to Rikku to Paine. It was painfully obvious that Yuna was making an excuse for him, but nothing could quell the resentment and distraught welling inside her.

Rikku's body was numb; it was as if she had been submerged into an icy pool of water, but she hadn't come back out. There was nothing she had ever felt in this life that came close to what she was feeling now. A dull sensation similar to the heaviness of lead was now rushing into her body; she felt weighed down by her own shock and sorrow. Surely, Gippal's leaving meant he didn't want to marry her; he had lied and chickened out, and she was left feeling the fool. Rikku couldn't move, and as a result she was becoming more embarrassed than ever as Baralai and Yuna discussed the groom's absence in urgent whispers, giving her sympathetic glances every few seconds.

With all the effort she could muster, Rikku pulled herself away from what was meant to be a joyful scene and ran back to the village. She didn't look back; she didn't want to see the shocked, understanding faces of Yuna, Baralai and (especially) Paine, or see the scene which had gone wrong before it had begun. Her ears deafened the shouts of her name, and only heard her head scream the truth of what was happening on her special day.


	2. Chapter 2: Going Under

There was no one around; Gippal wasn't there. But then again she hadn't expected him to be.

Half gasping and sobbing, Rikku collapsed just after entering the clearing in the small collection of houses, tears pouring down her soft delicate cheeks. A welcoming silence smothered her; not even the birds sang. She didn't want to hear anyone's sympathetic coos or their reassurances that Gippal would be back; she wanted her thoughts to scream and reverberate through her head, echoing the horrible truths and taunting guesses.

_He doesn't love you_, a dark voice taunted. _He didn't turn up because he's changed his mind; he doesn't want to marry you_.

A wave of fresh tears stung her eyes and new-born sobs clawed viciously at her throat as she fell onto her folded arms, surrounded only by her earth-shattering sorrow.

When Gippal had proposed, Rikku knew her life would then become perfect; she had loved waking up next to him in their bed, feeling his strong arms snake around her waist, murmuring sweet nothings into her ear as she drowsily awoke from a peaceful slumber into a bliss dream-like world. Most times she couldn't believe she was Gippal's girl. The days drifted calmly by, some spent in idyllic locations speaking with knowing smiles, exclusive glances, and by playing tenderly with each other's fingers. Actions always seemed to speak a thousand words more than speech ever could.

There were often times when Rikku spoke of the future, said she wanted children one day, after she was married of course, and live in a beautiful house by the sea. Gippal had nuzzled her neck in response, saying nothing and letting his actions do justice to what he was thinking, as always. His rough, but gentle, fingers lingered over her smooth skin, moving lightly in playful circles; his attention made Rikku squirm with pleasure, gasping with passion at the sudden change of pressure. His strong stench of machinery and the sweet, musky aroma of aftershave mingled into an ecstasy of fervour which the blond girl found addictive; she bathed in that scent, breathed that scent, lived that scent, to a point where days without Gippal were spent remembering the smell in order to remember him.

But now...how did things get so bad? To the point where she was slumped hopelessly on the dusty ground, crying out all the tears she had inside, wanting to scream her lungs raw. Imagining his scent now, it made her feel sick. Rikku's thoughts skipped ahead, imagining seeing him again after their disastrous wedding day; could she face him again? He probably wouldn't even care; his arrogant smirk and cock-sure attitude would be back in no time at all if they weren't there already.

Just as renewed sobs threatened, Rikku felt a strong hand grip her upper arm and gently haul her up off the ground so she was in a sitting position. Through tear-beaded lashes, she glimpsed a tanned face and flame-orange hair.

"Rikku, what are you doin' here?" After blinking away the tears, Rikku could see Wakka's face creased into a severe look of compassion mixed with sadness. In a moment that tore her away from this mad situation, Rikku realised how easy it was to read the expressions on Wakka's face compared to the intricate hidden feelings of Auron.

"G-gippal l-l-left me a-a-and-"

"I know," he replied softly, almost apologetic. "Let's just get you inside, ya? C'mon." He slid an arm around Rikku's waist and picked her up before half-carrying her to his and Lulu's house.

Inside, he sat her down on the bed, put on the kettle and sat down in a chair while it boiled. He grasped his hands together rather tightly, looking both uncomfortable and nervous, staring down at the carpeted floor.

Rikku hiccoughed herself into silence, which only took a minute. She wished she could have continued to bawl until her lungs exploded and she could fall into a state of not-feeling, not-knowing. However, there was something about Wakka's presence which dismissed that idea as inconceivable to the point that all her effort was now put into holding herself in a demeanour that suggested she was a strong, capable young woman. Which she wasn't exactly.

A few more sniffles later and Wakka finally looked up with a pained expression on his face.

"I saw 'im, just before I went to the beach, ya? I asked 'im if he was goin' down too and he said he was in about five minutes." His head bowed again, rubbing the side of it awkwardly as if at a loss to say. Rikku's eyes sparkled with tears again, the world glittered in a haze of multi-coloured blurs.

Wakka suddenly hit the arm of his chair; Rikku jumped slightly, shocked at his sudden change in emotion, his voice becoming angrier. "It never occurred to me why he looked so harried! I thought it was 'cos of the wedding! If I had known he wouldda stood you up-"

Rikku bit her lip as he looked up at her; he had seen the cracks in her resolve. Ever since Wakka had found out she was Al Bhed, Rikku was adamant on staying strong around him, despite moments where all she wanted to do was cry. Something about his pig-headed beliefs that he so desperately clung on to a few years ago made her want to prove that teachings and temples didn't make someone a more resolute person.

He stretched out his hand, as if to console her, before something inside made him stop - he seemed to fight some inner conflict. He shook his head slowly, sadly, before standing up abruptly, suddenly full of life, and strolling out of his house, his frame rigid.

Rikku sat on the bed, her legs curled under her – the billowing dress she was now beginning to detest making it harder – and felt instantly alone and uncomfortable. Her mind had begun to twist her thoughts into dark accusations turned on herself; Gippal's desertion had pushed Rikku's mind to a place where everyone's mood around her was her fault. And now she wasn't even sure she wanted to hear why Gippal hadn't shown...

She took several shattering breaths before succumbing to the sobs which would seem to plague her body for the rest of her life.

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Wakka's vision was blurred and misted red as he stormed through the small village. The rage he felt building up inside him caused his body to tremble slightly; his fists balled tightly as he marched blindly onwards, not noticing where he was going until a gentle, yet firm, voice called out to him.

"Wakka! Where are you going?" Lulu asked, enunciating each word with a force that could break anyone's resolve.

He paused for a moment, unable to recognise what had distracted him, and then noticed his wife standing there, Vidina asleep in her arms. Her expression was stern, her brows furrowed in a way which stated she was not one to take lightly, but there was also worry and bemusement interlaced into those delicate features.

For what wasn't the first time in his life, the crimson haze that had blurred his vision disappeared instantly at the sight of Lulu. Her smooth skin shone pale white in the brilliant sun, while her black hair – especially for this occasion – was tied into a loose bun with strands of black silk spiralling down on either side of her face, framing it like the portrait of a perfect fayth. The long cream-coloured dress with long, sweeping sleeves, only added to this image, with their baby in her arms. Her large reddish eyes stared questionably at his tanned face, scrutinising every trace of emotion that might flicker across it; nothing would pass by her unnoticed.

He opened his mouth to answer, but then remembered what it is he was infuriated about, just a couple of seconds ago. "To find Gippal," he muttered darkly, looking down at his feet and clenching his fists again.

"Do not get involved in this!" she hissed, stepping threateningly towards him and giving him a hard stare. "You might make things worse!"

"How can they get much worse?" he asked, with as little venom as possible, his thoughts only concentrated on punishing Gippal. "How could he abandon Rikku? He was supposed to love her!" His voice raised slightly with anger until Lulu purposely rocked Vidina with slightly narrowed eyes.

"No one is absolutely positive that he _did_ desert Rikku!" Lulu seethed quietly. Wakka knew she disliked his irrational anger, and instantly tried to calm himself unsuccessfully. "Maybe he's in danger!"

"Either way, someone's gotta find 'im," Wakka snarled, clenching his fists. It surprised him how furious he was about the matter; a few years ago, he wouldn't have dreamed of even attending an Al Bhed wedding. Ever since the Al Bhed's home was destroyed, Wakka felt the need to protect the young girl, despite her being almost quite capable of taking care of herself. However, if her sweet trusting nature was abused, taken for granted, then she would have to be avenged, as she was too innocent to do so herself. This was where Wakka would step in.

His eyes flickered back to Lulu's face, and was momentarily surprised to see sorrow displayed so brazenly in her beautiful eyes. His expression softened slightly, mimicking her emotion. "Lu, I need to find 'im."

She hesitated, staring relentlessly at him and he met her gaze; recognition seemed to dawn on her face. "Fine." She breathed out the word, like a gentle breeze. "I know I can't stop you, but please, for Rikku, don't hurt him if you find him." A faraway look told Wakka she was remembering the time he had hit Luzzu over Chappu, and her disapproving look made him realise how serious she was. Until he remembered something else.

"You hit him too," he reminded her and smiled at the thought. Lulu looked slightly embarrassed, evidently hoping that Wakka had forgotten that fact. He moved toward Lulu, lightly grabbed her arms – being cautious of Vidina – and kissed her.

He took one last look at her before striding off to find Gippal.


	3. Chapter 3: Things I'll Never Say

It took him longer than he imagined to find Gippal, but find him he did. Wakka had walked all the way around the island until – frustrated from his lack of progress – he walked into the temple and up into the Cloister of Trials until he reached the now-forgotten Fayth Statue. He didn't like to go there; it reaffirmed all that which he was forced to forget after discovering the painful truth that the temples were corrupt. In a way, it was reminding him of the greatest mistake he had ever made. Wakka never thought Gippal would be there for one second – he just wandered there reluctantly as a last resort.

However, sat around the edge of the circular statue, staring deep into its frozen confines was Gippal. His face was a mask of confusion and pain, the shadows thrown by the dim lights reiterated the mood and made his skin seem dull and listless. It looked as if all of Spira weighed heavy on his shoulders, but Wakka didn't contemplate this for very long.

He strode over to the Al Bhed in three quick strides and grabbed him by the scruff, not even allowing Gippal to gasp in surprise. His fury nearly overcame his rational side; he pulled back his fist ready to deal out the physical manifestation of the pain Rikku was feeling, but stopped himself in time. He remembered Lulu's plea to not hurt him on Rikku's behalf. Part of him argued that maybe she would be more than happy for Wakka to distribute sweet justice...but he merely brought his clenched fist slowly to Gippal's chin threateningly.

His one good eye was wide in terror, as large as a sphere, as it glanced from Wakka's fist to his face. "Wakka-"

"WHY?!" he yelled, quietening Gippal. The echo reverberated around the small circular space, so he calmed his voice. "Why did you leave her? Why would you do that? Why would you hurt her?"

Gippal looked shocked, before hanging his head in apparent shame. Wakka had never seen him look so degraded; he always appeared so self-assured, so full of himself. He gave a big sigh and started: "I-I d-"

Wakka shook him hard, rattling the teeth in his head. It was frustrating, being so close to Gippal and not being able to punch him in the face; it was taking all his conscious thought to keep himself under control. "What, don't you love her? Don't you even like her enough to tell her you don't wanna marry her? What does she mean to you?!" Wakka yelled, getting angrier by the minute.

"Rikku's the world to me!" he shouted, sounding despaired and angry simultaneously, glaring at Wakka. He tried to pry Wakka's fingers from his clothes but he tightened his grip in response. "You don't know how I feel! You can't-"

"How _you_ feel?!" Wakka roared over him, his eyes blazing. How could anyone feel worse than what Rikku felt now? Surely she was falling into a dark pit of gloom right at this very moment; Wakka was suddenly glad that Lulu was with her. "You didn't have to see her face!" His voice rose slightly in hysteria and began to break with pain. "Just watching her cry her eyes out was like a knife to my heart, ya? She's like family! And you hurt her!"

Gippal's head hung again and shook it slowly from side to side. But then he stared into Wakka's eyes, his own solitary one narrowed. "I thought you didn't like us? The Al Bhed? You called us heathens!"

Wakka remembered:_ This is great. I can't believe I've been travelling with an Al Bhed! A heathen!..._ _Well, you Al Bhed must've deserved it. _Rikku must have told Gippal about parts of Yuna's pilgrimage. He remembered all the negativity about the Al Bhed he had built up inside him, and the release of it all when the Guado had attacked Home. Al Bhed were people like everyone else. Rikku was just Rikku. But Gippal... "This isn't about me! This is about Rikku! Tell me why!" he demanded, shaking Gippal again.

There was a short pause while the Al Bhed scrutinised the ex-Yevonite. "You don't under-"

"Stop sayin' that!" Wakka growled, tightening his grip, the fabric chafing painfully on Gippal's neck. "Just tell me why!"

"Are you gonna let me talk or do you just wanna hit me?!"

And Wakka did just that. He pulled his fist back and sent it flying into Gippal's good eye before he could even understand what Wakka was doing. He released Gippal at the same time who fell to the floor clutching his head. Wakka's anger had betrayed him, but he didn't mind at all; Gippal deserved this. The pain was nowhere near as to what Rikku was enduring, but it was as close to what Wakka could deal out. He knew Lulu wouldn't be pleased, but he couldn't help himself.

"Fuck!" Gippal yelled, writhing on the stone ground. Wakka was about to reprimand him for swearing in the Chamber of the Fayth when he remembered that it was no longer a holy place. The recollection saddened him a little. "I didn't really think you were gonna do it!"

"You deserved it, ya?" He pushed aside the thought that this statement was too similar to the one he had made about Al Bhed's on Yuna's pilgrimage, and realised that hitting Gippal was the release he needed; his anger had calmed considerably. He leant heavily on the wall and fell slowly to the floor in a tranquil state, his head tilted to the ceiling and his eyes closed in relaxed bliss.

Gippal continued to kneel on the floor clutching his eye as if it were about to pop out of his skull. As Wakka turned to watch him, he was surprised that there was not an ounce of hatred left in his body; now all he felt when he looked at the Al Bhed was sympathy.

Wakka gave a big sigh. "Just tell me why you did it, ya?" he said softly.

Gippal looked up and gave him an incredulous look, his eye watering and beginning to turn purple. "Oh, so you're as cool as a chocobo now, eh? Smacking a one-eyed guy in his good one makes you happy, eh?" he asked angrily.

Wakka looked down at him to meet his one good eye. His gaze was somewhere between disappointed and sad, his gentle brown eyes pleading with Gippal.

The Al Bhed sighed deeply, just as Wakka had done before. He pulled himself up into a sitting position against the wall again and stared back into the Fayth statue. "I don't deserve her."

"Not after you left her," Wakka replied calmly, looking back up at the ceiling.

"That's not what I meant," Gippal retorted sadly. "Rikku's too good for me. I go to sleep every night expecting her to be gone in the morning. It's like she's a dream and I'm scared she'll just disappear.

"We used to be quite the couple, y'know," he smiled, remembering a happier time. "Before Yuna's pilgrimage, I mean. When she was thirteen and I was fifteen; I thought she was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. I couldn't stop thinking about her. We used to go to the Oasis in the Bikanel Desert; we'd sit there for hours, just talking about anything. I was scared to admit it at the time, but I had fallen head-over-heels in love with her."

"You scared of commitment?" Wakka asked, amusement thick in his voice.

"No, it's not that. It's just...not long after my seventeenth birthday I left to join the Crimson Squad, and I didn't want Rikku waiting around because I didn't know where I'd be or how long I would be gone. So I ended our relationship." He looked Wakka dead in the eyes and he scowled at this resurfaced memory. "It was the hardest damn thing I had to do, and I hated every minute and I still hate myself for it."

There was a pause as realisation dawned on Wakka. "You think you're gonna leave her again..."

"I'm afraid," Gippal said loudly, trying to correct him. "That I won't be there enough and...I won't be a very good husband," he mumbled.


	4. Chapter 4: I'm Not Okay I Promise

_Seven Years Earlier..._

"Rikku, I need to talk to you."

She gave him look which suggested shock and concern. "Woah, you sound kinda serious. What's up?" She lifted her head up to look into his eye, her golden hair flowing down her back onto her bare shoulders, her skin radiating beauty from the dim light on the bed-side table. Gippal immediately regretted what he was about to do.

They were snuggled up in bed after a day of scavenging in the Bikanel Desert; they had found lots of scrap metal from pieces of ancient machina, buried in sandstorms, forgotten and left to rust. It wasn't easy work, but they were given a bit of Gil for certain parts they found. Gippal and Rikku worked together in the desert; there were always many raised eyebrows when they both jumped into a hovercraft, hand-in-hand, cuddling up to each other as they sped away across the sand. Cid often sent someone out to follow them from a reasonable distance, keeping a close eye on his little princess.

"I-...well...What do you plan on doing when you get older?"

Rikku looked puzzled for a moment; her nose wrinkled in thought and her mouth pursed in concentration. Gippal was sure it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. "Well, I haven't really thought about it that much...but I guess I wanna salvage ancient machina and rebuild them. To help Al Bhed learn more about machina and teach younger Al Bhed about how to build them."

Gippal made a surprised grunting sound. "Sounds like you _have_ thought about it." Rikku blushed slightly, dipping her head in slight embarrassment. "Guess the princess of the Al Bhed cares about giving back to the community."

"Of course!" she exclaimed in a high-pitched voice.

"No need to get embarrassed, your highness." Rikku giggled and hit him playfully in the arm. Gippal chuckled too, rubbing his arm as if it hurt.

"What about you?" she asked once the laughter had subsided, laying on his chest, looking into his one good eye.

Gippal bit his lip. Now or never. Never sounded quite good...No; he couldn't lie to Rikku. That would be much worse than what he was about to say. "Well, I've always wanted to join the Crusaders."

Rikku snorted. "They don't let the likes of us into their precious little organisation," she replied angrily. "And just because we're Al Bhed! Besides, they fight Sin and...that's kinda dangerous!" she finished lamely.

"You don't know they don't let Al Bhed in..."

"What other reason is there? Keyakku tried to sign up not long ago and they turned him away for no perfect reason!"

Gippal grunted in response; he had grown up with Keyakku and knew he would make a fine protector of Spira. But would the Crusaders really discriminate against the Al Bhed? It didn't seem right. It didn't seem fair. "You could be right," he murmured.

"Of course I am," she winked, evidently more relaxed that she had put Gippal's plan to rest. "We could salvage Machina together and-"

"Rikku," Gippal interrupted gently, slightly tightening his grip around her slim waist. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply: "I'm joining the Crimson Squad."

Rikku pulled herself up so they were face-to-face. Her blonde hair poured over her shoulder as she tried to deduce what Gippal was saying. "What? What's the Crimson Squad?" Her voice rose slightly in hysteria.

"Its..." Gippal couldn't continue; Rikku's eyebrows were pulled down in worried confusion and he couldn't bear to deliver that blow which would shatter her heart. But her eyes were pleading. "It's an elite group formed by Maester Kinoc. People are saying that the Crimson Squad is even supposed to surpass the Crusaders; the best members of the squad will be assigned to leaderships of various groups of Crusaders all across Spira!"

But Rikku didn't seem to be listening; she was clutching her chest and breathing ragged breaths, her head turned away from Gippal. He sat up quickly and put a comforting hand on her back. "Rikku! Rikku! Calm down! It's okay, take some deep breaths!"

She did as he said before turning back to face him, still gasping slightly for air. "You're...gonna...fight...Sin?"

"Not to start off with! We'll be doin' exercises first before we're assessed and the best are chosen to be leaders-"

"How long...will it take?" she asked.

Gippal hesitated. "I don't know. That's something else I need to talk to you about.

"These exercises...we're not told what we're doing or where or how long they'll be...I don't want you waitin' around for me to come back, being sad and alone. I think...I think we should...end our relationship."

The silence rang out too loudly in Gippal's ears. Rikku wasn't gasping anymore; Gippal was suddenly worried that she had stopped breathing altogether. He could feel his own heart breaking down into pieces and splintering the inside of his chest. And, if he wanted to kid himself, he could've sworn he had heard Rikku's do the same. Gippal looked into her face but she wasn't even crying; there was no blatant emotion there, no rashes of anger or smudges of sadness. Nothing. He suddenly became worried that she had never felt anything during their relationship and that his heart had broken for someone who didn't love him.

"Rikku..."

With no warning, Rikku punched him in his good eye.

"Fuck! What in Spira was that for?!"

Rikku jumped out of the bed as Gippal clutched his eye, swearing repeatedly and swinging his legs over into a sitting position. "You bastard! You moron! How dare you?! I thought you loved me! I thought we were something special!" she yelled as started pulling on her boots.

"We are! We were! I..I thought we could deal with this like grown-ups!" he shouted in frustration, not knowing what else to say and in pain.

"Then why are you breaking up with me?" she began to cry. Gippal looked away, not able to watch her sob or he would surely start too. "We could have a...a long distant relationship! We could make this work!"

"I might be goin' away for a long time!" he said loudly over her. "I can't bear to know you're sat at home waiting for me!"

"Oh, so that's it? That's all I'm gonna achieve?! Sitting, waiting for some man-"

"That's not what I meant!" Gippal raged. He sighed, trying to calm himself down a bit. "I can't be there for you when you might need me the most. And I'd hate myself for it. A boyfriend is supposed to be there for you if you're suffering, or if you feel lonely, or if you need someone to talk to. It's gonna be really hard to do all that if I'm travelling around Spira.

Believe me, this is not what I want; this is what's best for us both. Please understand that I want to be there for you, but I just can't. Being in the Crimson Squad is what I want to do."

Rikku had been quiet throughout Gippal's speech, her coat hung over her arm in a frozen position, her spiral eyes boring into his pale blue one. Again, Gippal couldn't quite make out whether she was angry or in shock at what he had just said, but it had come from the heart, and he had meant every word. It was unlike him to speak so truthfully; even he was taken back slightly.

Rikku stared at him for another minute before speaking as calmly as she could muster: "Well, I hope you have fun in your silly little squad!" she seethed, though her voice broke with unshed tears, and she stormed out of Gippal's room.


	5. Chapter 5: Peacemaker

Not long after Yuna gave her speech at Luca, just after they had defeated Sin indefinitely, Rikku ran into the group of Al Bhed who had escaped Home on the airship. She knew her father was onboard so she went to see him again while they were docked at Luca.

"Hey, Kiddo." He waved a spanner at her as he crouched down next to the pilot seat under the main controls. "How are ya?"

"That's all you have to say to me after we just brought the Eternal Calm?"

"I was there, weren't I?" he asked gruffly.

Rikku shook her head in slight frustration; this was normal Cid behaviour, always being emotionally detached to a certain point. It was at times like these when Rikku's mother would say something which would make Cid relent and give his children a cuddle. It just showed how much of an influence her mother was on him. "Where's Brother?"

"He's gone to buy some stuff," he replied vaguely.

Rikku went to sit in one of the co-pilot seats, her boots clunking loudly against the mechanical floor as she walked over. She sat with her legs swung over the arm rest, leaning on her arm.

"You sound kinda grumpy," she commented.

"I am."

"Wanna tell me why?" Rikku asked in a sing-song voice. She heard Cid sigh deeply.

He straightened up and threw the spanner into his tool box with a loud 'clang'. Walking up to where Rikku sat, he looked serious, worried and irritated at the same time. "Listen, Rikku, we picked someone up just before Home was destroyed and, well... I didn't really wanna tell ya who. So I kept him in the engine room, and told him if he wanted to live he wouldn't leave that spot.

"He wants to see ya. And I told him 'no' but he won't take that for an answer."

Rikku clenched her fists; she knew exactly who he was talking about. "I thought he had joined the Crimson Squad?" she hissed through gritted teeth.

"He did. But something went wrong; I dunno the details.

"Anyway, their 'mission' was cut short and he went to Home. Just before you jumped on the airship, Gippal shows up askin' for a ride outta there."

Rikku had felt a jolt of intense anger at his name, but continued to listen as calmly as she could.

"I knew you wouldn't want to see him, so I kept him outta sight and didn't mention him to ya in case ya wanted to hit him again." Cid knew Rikku too well. "He won't leave either till he gets a word with ya."

"He'll be waitin' a looong time," she murmured darkly, turning her head away from Cid.

Her father sighed. "Don't ya think you should talk to him?"

Rikku turned to face Cid, her expression a mask of surprise. Since when was he the logical forgiving type? He was the one who wanted to fight Evrae over Bevelle and rescue Yuna, guns blazing! "You want me to talk to him?!"

"Listen, Kiddo: you've bin upset about this whole Gippal thing for a while now. And I don't like seein' ya upset. If talkin' to him will give ya peace of mind then you should do it."

Rikku pouted, folding her arms. It was as if he was asking her to surrender, when Gippal was the one who started this whole mess! No, she wouldn't wave the white flag.

"I'm yer father, now do it," Cid growled. When Rikku still looked incompliant, he sighed and added: "I'll consider givin' ya the new airship we found. Heck, we'll have a few."

Rikku contemplated this; she had always wanted her own airship, to travel around Spira in the blink of an eye. Brother would complain, of course, but she could make him captain, or something. If talking to Gippal was all she needed to do...

"Fine. But I'm not promising I won't hit him again."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Rikku entered the engine room, she saw him sat cross-legged, leaning against the wall, his shoulders relaxed, his face turned up towards the ceiling. She suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to just punch him in the face, but calmed herself quickly; what in Spira was he doing here? What right did he have to come onboard and demand to speak to her? And why wasn't he with that stupid squad?

Gippal saw her and quickly stood up. "Rikku! If you aren't a sight for sore eyes-...sore eye," he corrected himself, grinning despite himself.

Rikku scowled, clenching her fists by her sides, saying nothing.

"I, er, managed to get away from Home before your old man destroyed it," he said unnecessarily, rubbing the back of his head. He was rambling on about nothing; he was nervous. "Guess it was the only way. It's sad what happened though. We had some pretty good times-"

"What do you want?" Rikku interrupted darkly.

He looked taken aback by her glowering look, his solitary eye in shock. "Umm...listen: I'm sorry I had to use an ultimatum to get you down here. I just needed to talk to you." Gippal stared down at his feet and scuffed them against the floor. "I wanted to say I'm sorry-"

"That's it?! You wanted to say you're sorry?!" she yelled, losing all restraint. A sudden memory made her realise how much she sounded like Cid at this particular moment: _"That's it? You're gonna tell her you're sorry?"_ It made her smile inside, but she shook her head and grabbed hold of her fury instead. "You go gallivanting off to that stupid group, leaving me behind and making some stupid excuses about why we couldn't be anymore!"

"I explained why! I told you all the reasons why we couldn't stay together! You knew all the reasons why!" Gippal shouted back.

She made a growling noise that issued from her throat and turned sharply away, folding her arms tightly across her chest.

He sighed in response. "Please, Rikku. Please listen to me. I need you to understand."

There was a few minute's silence. Rikku's head was full of insults that she was prepared to hurl at Gippal, to scream at him until her lungs burst. But that short time was what she needed to calm herself. She could feel herself bypassing the anger now, to the point where she was overpowered by sadness. All the happier times that she spent with Gippal were suddenly rushing through her mind, and she abruptly felt like bawling like a little baby.

"Rikku?" Gippal broke the stillness warily.

Rikku felt no anger at his voice, only a heartbreaking numbness. "Yes?"

"I-I can't apologise enough for breaking things off with you. I wanted to make the right decision at the time, and I believed that was it. Doing that to you broke my heart."

Rikku turned slowly around, her eyes to the floor; she didn't think she could handle looking at him. "I loved you."

"I loved you. I still love you." Gippal walked cautiously towards her, pulling her eyes to his by gently lifting her chin up. Rikku couldn't resist; her heart thudded loudly, and she mentally scolded it with little avail. All those old feelings came rushing back. "I already lost you once; I can't bear to lose you again. I'm not asking you to take me back. I just want you to forgive me."

Rikku's mind was split in two; should she forgive him or forget him? There was no point in convincing herself she wouldn't get close to him again; there would at least be a close friendship. Could she really risk being hurt again? Could her heart bear the strain? Could she forget all this time of hurt?

"What happened?" she asked suddenly, her thoughts taking her elsewhere, her voice suddenly stronger.

"What?"

"The thingy squad. What happened?"

Gippal grimaced and dropped his arms to his sides, turning his body away slightly. "Well, it's confusing."

"I wanna know." It was odd; asking about what he had been doing made most of the hurt disappear. Putting herself in a situation where she was merely an old friend asking him what he had been doing made her feel stronger. Plus, Rikku was genuinely curious about his shortened stay in that squad...

Gippal sighed. "Long story short: I was shot. In the back." He glowered at the wall, remembering that time.

Rikku gasped. It shocked her to think that someone would want to shoot Gippal; sure, she had wanted to hit him, but a shooting was a bit too far. "What happened?!"

Gippal sat down, his back against the wall and motioned Rikku to join him. "Well, it all started when I was assigned to a group. There was me, this Yevonite, an ex-Crusader, and our mission recorder..."


	6. Chapter 6: Losing Grip

_Not long after defeating Vegnagun…_

"Gippal, I need a bigger screwdriver."

"Oh, really?" he smiled suggestively, walking over and handing her the tool she had asked for.

Rikku rolled her eyes and smirked at the sexual innuendo. "Oh, please! Keep your mind out of the mud." She took the screwdriver and turned back to the machina she was working on, the grin still stretched widely across her face.

Rikku couldn't believe that she was even on speaking terms with Gippal, let alone working with him at the temple in Djose on machina; she thought her heart would never mend from that specific period of their lives, yet here she was, talking as if they were best of friends.

When Gippal had shown up again after Sin was defeated, Rikku was ordered by Cid to hear him out, and she was glad she did. When Gippal had told her his story about being in the Crimson Squad, she felt a great compassion for his plight; he obviously felt betrayed and confused, so there was little point in making him feel worse. And, for the first time, she was able to put aside their past chapters together and perceive him as merely a friend. They had both agreed to start again as associates and nothing more. So, subconsciously, Rikku had repressed her innermost desires and feelings to the point where it hurt just to talk to him; now, after a while of practice, the pain had numbed.

Gippal strode away, beaming from ear to ear, back to his office – which used to be one of the antechambers for the temple – while Rikku continued to work on the machina. For a year, Rikku had been helping the Machine Faction unearth more machina and fix them up so they worked again, as well as keeping in constant contact with Yuna and Tidus on Besaid, of course.

"How's Gippal?" Yuna asked after discussing the work at Djose, during one of their long conversations over the CommSpheres.

"He's okay; a bit annoying at times but he really enjoys the work here," Rikku replied, her emerald eyes glinting.

"That's...good."

The blond Al Bhed paused, trying to decipher Yuna's expression. "Yunie...What's wrong?"

"Oh, n-nothing."

"You're a bad liar, y'know?" Tidus called from the background, obviously just returning from playing Blitzball with the island's children. Yuna made an annoyed sound, but a pouting smile played on her lips as he came over and gave her a tight squeeze and a kiss. "Hey, Rikku!" he called, waving and giving her a big smile.

"Heey, you! How are the kiddies?" she asked.

"They're gettin' really good! They all wanna learn how to do the Jecht Shot," he laughed, before comically sniffing under his armpits. "Phew! I need a shower; speak to you later." He did a half-wave, half-salute in Rikku's direction, gave Yuna a cheeky wink and went out of view. She stared after him, a faraway look on her face.

Rikku smiled. She never felt jealous or wistful watching Yuna fawn over Tidus; Rikku knew that she had once stared longingly after Gippal every time he walked away. Especially when he left for the Crimson Squad…sure, she convinced herself that she hated his guts, but as he boarded an airship going to Luca she couldn't help but watch sadly as he shouldered his pack and walked coolly onboard. There was a point when he stopped and took a lingering look back, his eyes scanning the few people who had turned out to see him off, but he didn't find what he was looking for so he walked solemnly onto the _Nahafat Ruba_. During its return journey from Luca, the airship was obliterated by Sin.

"Rikku!

The Al Bhed girl started and snapped back to reality. Yuna was smiling warmly over the CommSphere, a seemingly knowing look in her eyes. Or so Rikku felt. "What?" she asked, defensively.

Yuna's expression suddenly turned sombre. "How is-I mean…What is the…'situation' with you a-and Gippal?" she asked rather hesitantly.

"Things are…good" she smiled, nodding. She knew that Yuna expected that particular topic to be painful or rather distressing – her caring expression after her question was evident – but Rikku was in a place where she could easily forget about the past and just continue forward. Her heart still jumped at the topic, but the gaping wound left there before had healed to something which was barely there.

"Is that all?"

"I suppose. We're friends as well as colleagues." When Yuna raised her eyebrows, Rikku flushed a slight pink and continued: "We build Machina at Djose. Well, Gippal does spend some time contacting Baralai and Nooj via the CommSpheres, as well as sorting out shipments of Machina pieces from excavations in the Bikanel Desert. He makes sure that the workers are all healthy and happy, and will gladly send a few of them to Bikanel to help excavations if they want a change of scenery," Rikku rambled, not daring to look back into Yuna's accusatory eyes.

"You still love him…" It sounded like a question but also like a statement at the same time, which made Rikku annoyed.

"Yuna! You know we're just friends now!"

"But can't that turn into something more?" she asked, sounding almost desperate.

"It already did. And he left. That's in the past."

Yuna pondered for a minute, or perhaps it was to let Rikku cool off a bit, perhaps it was both. The wound was starting to open again, but it was only the most miniscule of tears; it just throbbed in the smallest corner of Rikku's heart. She breathed slowly, willing the cut to heal again.

"I'm sorry, Rikku. I hope you're not angry at me."

"No," she sighed. "I'll talk to you about it another time."

With that, they had bid each other farewell and Rikku wandered off to the other antechamber which had been converted into a bedroom for her and a few of the female workers.

Now she was tinkering with a rare Machina that had all its pieces painstakingly recovered from the Bikanel Desert; it had taken the most of 6 months of constant searching to find the pieces, during which time hundreds of other Machina parts were found.

Sometimes it was frustrating work; they had found the main body of the Machina first, which excited Rikku when she learnt of its rarity, but waiting for the parts so it could be completed was almost maddening. Every day she would ask Gippal if the excavators had discovered anything new, and each time he gave her even the smallest part, a warm wave of content and jolts of anticipation ran amuck throughout her body. Now she was on the verge of completing it, nothing could stop her humming loudly from enthusiasm.

Rikku was the only one left in the main room at Djose as it was now late, but she still wouldn't resign herself to bed. She was so nearly finished, so nearly completed the task that she was so eager to finish, so nearly moving on to something else new and exciting.

"Still up, Cid's girl?"

Rikku started suddenly, giving herself an electric shock. She cursed under her breath and sucked her pained finger. "Yep," she mumbled.

"Electrocuted yourself?"

"Yep," she said, trying with all her might to concentrate.

"Need me to kiss it better?"

"Nope," she smiled, though obviously he didn't see.

"Alrighty then," he replied casually, and slouched off to bed.

Rikku, pulling herself away from forbidden thoughts, inspected the Machina and realised that perhaps she was not as near to finishing it than she had originally thought.


	7. Chapter 7: Scattered

"Hey, Cid's girl! We need to talk."

Rikku looked up and saw Gippal standing in the doorway of Djose Temple, his arms folded in a relaxed manner though his face was expressing some unknown emotion. Putting her unbitten sandwich back into its wrapping and waving goodbye to those she was talking to, she strolled back to the tall grey building, squinting in the hot sun before it was blocked out by the immense temple. Rikku stepped into the cool large circular main room, four electricity posts buzzing threateningly, Machina lying around on the floor along with numerous tools.

"What's up?"

"I've been thinking about us, shut up in this temple all day together, not really-"

Rikku held up a gloved hand. "I know where this is going; you just have to accept we're friends now. And I don't want to complicate this friendship."

Gippal raised an eyebrow. "Can I finish? Okay, so, I thought that perhaps we could benefit from excavating on Bikanel Island for a few days. Y'know, get some fresh air and stuff," he explained, brandishing a list in his right hand that Rikku hadn't noticed.

Rikku blushed a deep crimson and mentally scolded herself for jumping to ridiculous conclusions. "Yeah, well, that's what I meant," she lamely retaliated. "I need to get a tan, after all. Will it just be us two?"

"Nah, I'm gonna go round and ask who wants to come with. Or you could do it?" he smiled a delicious smile.

"Kiacc ykyeh!" she scoffed, brushing away the clipboard he was holding out towards her, trying hard not to look at him. "Put my name down!" And with that, she waltzed back outside to start her lunch.

* * *

The next day, they walked the short walk to the Moonflow where they caught the Shoopuf to the other side, where three hovercrafts were waiting to take them to the Calm Lands to catch an airship to Bikanel Island. It sounded more complicated than it actually was; all of the workers were organised and ready at the break of dawn, albeit a lot of yawning and groaning sounds filled the daybreak stillness. The glass sun's piercing light beat down onto those to be departed, waiting for Gippal to brief his second-in-command. Talk was scarce as most of the Al Bhed waiting were too tired to make conversation, their weighty bags slung over their shoulders.

But they didn't have to wait too long; Gippal strolled out of the temple after a few minutes and beckoned the group to follow him down to the Moonflow with few words. Rikku trudged behind, not liking the early start, but her spirits perked up as they walked through the small woodland area on the way; the green foliage hung like a tapestry all around, encasing them in a magical world filled with soft emerald light, a slight whispering on the morning air. There was something calm and soothing about being shut off from the outside world, enveloped in one's own little magical world. It almost made Rikku sad to think that their destination didn't hold this type of beauty.

Soon they had reached the Shoopuf and they embarked. At one time, Al Bhed would not have been allowed anywhere near here, especially after the little stunt they pulled during Yuna's pilgrimage, but times changed and a lot of people no longer saw Machina as sacrilegious. While on board, everyone seemed to be in higher spirits – the gentle breeze blowing through their hair, enlivening them – and a low chattering of voices arose as they tucked into ready-made breakfasts.

At one point, Rikku's attention turned to Gippal who was sat silently, staring out over the glittering Moonflow, leaning on his hand which was holding a purple lily. His eyebrows were furrowed in a way which was almost angry, but the line of his lips suggested otherwise, and his solitary eye glinted like a lone pyrefly. He gently inhaled – possibly smelling the flower – and closed his eyes harmoniously, a slight smile playing across his face. It was then that Rikku realised that he looked as if he was thinking of someone he loved, lost in a tranquil world where nothing else mattered.

And nothing hurt the blond Al Bhed girl more than that moment. But she quickly shook that thought out of her mind, and continued her breakfast half-heartedly, picking at the food.

They arrived at the North Wharf and waited for the Shoopuf to make another trip for the rest of the Al Bhed. Rikku sat on the dusty ground, leaning against her back-pack, re-lacing the brown boots she had brought for the desert. However, her mind was elsewhere; her emerald eyes repeatedly looked up to Gippal who was staring out over the water, his arms folded, the amethyst lily still clasped delicately between fore-finger and thumb, the wind making it sway – it was almost hypnotic. And the way he was just gazing out over the Moonflow was driving her crazy! What was he thinking about? Or who? What was with the lily? Why did he look half-defeated? Or was Rikku reading too much into his facial expression?

"He-ey."

Rikku jumped slightly and realised she had been staring; Gippal was giving her a small wave, trying to catch her attention, smiling in a smug-like way.

"Oh! Sorry," Rikku gasped, looking back to the boots on her feet which now resembled a complexity of twists and knots and loops. She tried to pull her hands away but they too were tangled in the lace labyrinth. _How did that happen?_ she thought, rather annoyed, whilst frantically trying to free her fingers.

A dark shadow descended over Rikku, and Gippal bent down in front of her, gently working over the laces. She gasped the first time his warm soothing fingers came into contact with hers; she couldn't comprehend that those same hands worked on Machina, and should by all means be rough and coarse. And then she suddenly remembered something; her eyes quickly roamed over him, looking for the lily, and found it held into position by its stalk under his yellow belts crossing his torso, the head undamaged.

"You really made a mess of these!" he exclaimed, tugging the laces into their correct positions. "Maybe I need to give lessons on re-lacing shoes at the Machine Faction."

"Very funny," Rikku replied sarcastically, finding her voice. "I was distracted!"

"By what?"

She hesitated. "Just…thinking." She couldn't come up with an answer quick enough.

"About what?" he asked again, with a tiny bit of impatience, though he tried to cover this with a quick smile.

"I was wandering what Yuna and Paine were doing," she sighed. "Though Yuna's probably just in Besaid with Tidus, being happy and all that," Rikku finished, sounding slightly bitter at the happiness they had found within each other.

"Why do you sound angry?," Gippal noted, though his analysis was slightly off. "You shouldn't feel that way; Yuna's happy again. Would you rather her feel sad?"

"No!" Rikku gasped, shaking her head fervently.

"Then feel happy for her! You'll find someone you can be happy with one day, Cid's girl," he smiled to himself; catching onto what Rikku was bitter about. "Someone so perfect that it'll feel like a dream. And you'll fall head-over-heels." Rikku smiled sadly, but left the conversation at that rather than disagree; his voice was too consoling and confident. A minute of silence later, he softly tapped the side of one of her boots: "Done. Unless you want me to tie them as well."

"I'm sure I can manage," she replied, pulling a face.

Gippal gave her a small salute and stood up, holding the lily again and stared back out towards the Moonflow. "Dra nacd yna haynmo rana; bnabyna du mayja!" he announced, and, sure enough, the Shoopuf could be seen in the distance, ambling its way back to them.


	8. Chapter 8: No Surprise

It was the evening after Rikku's first shift and she had spent the afternoon relaxing in her tent, fixing up a small piece of Machina. Her morning had been quite uneventful; her group had been attacked by a Sand Worm and a Zu, but they were taken down rather swiftly without any hassle. The day had proved to be successful as they had found several large pieces of defunct Machina and transported them back to camp. Some of these pieces would be taken back to Djose to be fixed by skilled mechanics. Rikku smiled at knowing this was doing double the work, but to be labouring outside was actually better than sitting inside all day.

Now, her hands worked furiously in a hope of distracting herself. All morning she had been thinking about Gippal and that mysterious flower; she evaluated and discarded most possibilities in her head. Perhaps it was a reminder of an ex-girlfriend, something he had plucked from the Moonflow after recently getting back into contact with her. Maybe it was for Nhadala; he _did_ flirt with her. But then again, Gippal flirted with everyone. It surprised her that she had given it serious thought, and she had scolded herself throughout the day for being obsessed.

The sun had just set, and a stillness had settled delicately over the camp. There was a controlled fire in the middle of the circle of tents where a few Al Bhed converged, the flames licking the darkening sky sending a shiver of awe down the spines that saw it. The smell of smoke drifted lazily through Rikku's tent and made her feel sleepy, causing her fumbling fingers to trip over themselves. She decided that if she continued to work on the Machina, it would do more harm than good, and laid down her tools for the night.

A gentle voice suddenly floated through the door, causing her to start slightly: "Rikku…Can I come in?"

"Um…sure," she replied, feeling flustered. Gippal walked in cautiously, scared he might catch her half-dressed; there would truly be hell to pay if that happened. "What's up?" Rikku stood, rubbing her oily hands on an even-more oily cloth, her hair in disarray, her face smudged with dirt. Her eyes instantly searched him, yet again, for that elusive flower but to no avail; it was either in his tent or lost. For some reason, it cheered her to see it absent.

"How did your morning shift in the Northern Territory go?" he asked, settling himself down in a small stool in the corner of the tent.

"Alright, I guess," Rikku shrugged. "I thought that the Northern Territory was supposed to be full of dangerous fiends?"

Gippal laughed: "I didn't think they would be a problem for Cid's Girl". The blond Al-Bhed girl walked over to a chipped basin of water sitting on a low bench, splashing her face and washing her hands. She thought that Gippal looked rather nervous; his foot tapping in restlessness, but his face was merely a picture of calm. The lopsided smile that played on his lips made her melt, but her cynical expression suggested otherwise; she had to look stoic, she didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing she missed him. "And I hear you recovered some pretty large pieces of Machina".

"A few," Rikku conceded, looking over her shoulder and eyeing the piece she had just been working on. "What about you? How was your shift?"

"Average," he replied simply, stretching his arms over his head. After a raised eyebrow and a smirk from Rikku, he enlightened her: "We were attacked throughout the day by rogue Machina so our digging efforts were reduced by half as we needed two groups: one to dig and one to defend."

"You call that average?" Rikku grinned, giving him a wink despite herself.

"Of course. But I didn't come here to talk about how…average my day was." Gippal stayed in his laid-back position, his one eye on her as she picked up the large water basin, poured its contents outside her tent and placed it tenderly back on the bench. "I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk…well, a ride in the hovercraft; walking around at night in the desert isn't a clever thing to do."

Rikku's heart inexplicably skipped a beat, but she forcibly settled its joy. "What for?"

"I want to go see Home," he replied sadly, hanging his head and clasping his hands together tightly. "I haven't been there since it was destroyed; thought it would give me peace of mind if I did." The young Al-Bhed girl had; there was nothing there now but a gaping hole, but that gap was now reiterated in every Al-Bhed's heart. "I wanted a friend to come with me, to make it easier."

Rikku could feel her heart getting heavier by the second; there were too many conflicting emotions swirling and bubbling within the deepest parts of her.

She remembered the last time these feelings tormented her: when her mom died. She didn't want to believe she was gone, didn't want to see where she was buried, didn't want to spend the rest of her life without her, but it was Rikku's reality now. Like it or not, she had to face up to the truth.

She didn't particularly want to see the place where Home no longer stood again, but with Gippal…perhaps it would be different.

"Okay," Rikku replied, looking down at her dirty clothes. "But first I need to change, so out, mister," she grinned, pointing to the doorway of her tent, lightening the mood instantly. He smiled and gave a small salute in response as he stood, and sauntered back out into chilly desert air.

* * *

"Spooky, eh?"

"No; not spooky," Rikku replied gently. "More like…" Words failed her. Was there one word to truly define the chill that ran down her spine (that wasn't from the cold), the emptiness that seemed to inexplicably cause her heart to weigh heavier, the tears that begged to be spilt stinging her eyes? As they stood against the sloping sands that dipped to form that vacant space, Rikku longed for Home. They had been stood there in silence for five minutes before Gippal softly filled the stillness.

"Eerie?"

The fact that Gippal's vocabulary started at 'spooky' and changed to 'eerie' surprised Rikku, but she nodded solemnly, keeping her face a mask of seriousness. "Not exactly, but I suppose that'll do."

"It's strange to imagine…that the place where we spent growing up is gone; we'll never get to walk those halls again. Guess we still have our memories though."

Rikku shook her head. "Memories are nice, but that's all they are," she murmured, echoing her words that she once said on Yuna's pilgrimage. The statement tasted sour in her mouth.

Gippal gave her an incredulous look. "You really believe that? You believe memories hold no significance? I would never have thought…Cid's girl… **Ihpameajypma**."

"What?" Rikku asked, ashamed at knowing that his assumption of her had been tarnished by change.

He sighed deeply. "All that's left of this place is memories now. If we didn't have memories, what would make us smile when we were sad? How would you truly remember the people and places that are gone? And don't say from photographs," Gippal interrupted Rikku as she began to open her mouth in retort. "You can't truly capture the essence of a human being or the atmosphere of a building through a photograph. You can't capture their touch, their warmth, their odour-"

"Their odour?" Rikku asked, stifling a small giggle.

"Laugh all you will," the tall Al Bhed replied, though he himself was on the verge of doing so. "But sometimes a smell can remind us of someone we love or loved."

Rikku conceded his point; the smell of oil and machinery reminded her strongly of Gippal. It was something she couldn't rip from her consciousness, but lingered like some previous dream, haunting her. When he had left for the Crimson Squad, this particular smell had boiled her blood and she would gather bunches of flowers to mask the stench.

"So, you see, memories _are_ important," Gippal concluded after Rikku became silent. "I think you should stop being stubborn and admit that your memories are precious."

"_Maybe_ I will."

He grinned. "Stubborn."

They stood there for a further five minutes, not speaking, before they both had seen enough. Gippal helped Rikku onto the hovercraft that they had ridden and he jumped into the driver's seat.

"Mind if we take a detour?"

"Where to?" Rikku asked, curious and confused. Where would they go in the Sanubia Sands? It was all…well, sand.

"You'll see."

* * *

"The Oasis!" she exclaimed as the hovercraft zoomed closer, her heart leaping with an old reminiscent joy. She saw it shimmering underneath the full moon, sending light dancing nearby, illuminating the rocks and sand around it.

The hovercraft stopped a few meters away and they walked, side by side, to the edge of the water, staring into its shallow depths. Though the night air was chilly, they had both adorned themselves with three layers of clothing before setting off, so Gippal and Rikku felt comfortably mild.

After a minute of saying nothing, Gippal gave a short nervous laugh and settled himself down on a nearby flattish rock, motioning for Rikku to do the same. She sat next to him, her hands folded in her lap.

"Remember all those days we spent here?"

Rikku nodded and smiled. "Of course. This was the only place outside of Home to go." For some reason, it felt odd being in this place again, as if it had become some hallowed temple where an ancient aeon should be slumbering.

He sighed. "What's wrong? You sound unhappy."

The answer rose readily to her lips, whether or not she wanted it to. "Those times feel so long ago. Like another lifetime. Sometimes, they feel like a dream."

"Well, yes. You could almost call them…_memories_," he smirked, and she elbowed him hard enough for him to learn his lesson, but not too firm to hurt. She smiled as well, and looked upwards to the great vastness of the dark sky, dotted delicately with shining stars and the large singular moon. The reflections in the still Oasis gave the illusion that they were surrounded by the beauty of the midnight sky. They were never allowed out in the desert at night when they were younger because of how low the temperature dropped. It now made her sad to think she had been missing out on this magical scene. A new kind of paradise.

"Do you think we'll have a new Home?" she asked, looking up at him.

His blue eye glinted from the reflection of the water, and he smiled. "Maybe one day. Maybe you should start the proceedings, **Bnehlacc**."

"I think Pop'll start before me, if he hasn't already."

"He's a good man, your dad, but a terrifying one at that," he noted, leaning back on his hands. "You should have seen him before we escaped Home when I asked for a lift. He looked like he was gonna murder me!" he laughed.

"I would've murdered you too," Rikku smirked. "It's a good thing I didn't see you; I had a whole group of people with me who would have kicked your ass."

"I think I'm more scared of your old man than you and your entourage, Princess," he nudged her playfully. "Man, when I was little I looked up to him so much. When my mom first introduced me to your family, I knew I wanted to grow up to be like Cid."

"He's a great leader…and a great dad," she agreed. "I hope he does build a new Home. To bring back all the Al Bhed." She stopped and suddenly realised something which made her heart sink. "But then…won't it just get destroyed again? The island we first lived on was attacked by Sin, then our Home was attacked by the Guado…nobody likes us Al Bhed…" Rikku could feel the tears welling up; it was like fighting a losing battle.

"Hey, enough of that," Gippal berated her gently, softly touching her arm consolingly; a sudden warm spread from the point of contact, reaching her cheeks and turning them a tender crimson. "You know that's not entirely true…" He bit his lip; somehow, this statement didn't sound right to him either. "Well, we'll just have to be disliked together; me and you against Spira."

Gippal then stood up, grabbing Rikku's gloved hand and pulling her with him. "Hey!" she cried aloud, surprised at his sudden action. His left hand grabbed her right and his fingers interlaced with hers, held slightly aloft in line with Gippal's shoulder. With his free hand, he delicately grasped Rikku's waist; she suddenly felt very flushed.

"How 'bout a dance?"

"How about some music?" she retorted, her eyebrow raised, wondering if Gippal had a few screws loose.

"Who needs music?" he grinned widely, his face inches from hers.

"Well, y'see, dancing works best when accompanied by music…"

Gippal sighed, feigning exasperation, but pulled a wicked smile. "Oh, Princess; you know _that_ won't deter me."

With that, he began to hum. It wasn't any tune in particular, just different pitched notes, but they fused well together to create a perfect melody which combined gracefully with the night sky and the vast sands. The pace was slow and after a few notes, he moved in simple small steps which Rikku followed attentively, doing some sort of ballroom dance.

The situation felt so bizarre that Rikku would have laughed if the voice that drifted soothingly around them wasn't so comforting. Anyone who had heard Gippal speak knew his voice wasn't rough or harsh, even when his emotions heated, but the humming issuing from Gippal was even gentler than any words she had heard come from his mouth.

They continued dancing, twirling slowly and moving around in a circle, Gippal's eye closed as his song became sadder, turning mournful. Considering their previous trip, it seemed prudent that the tune was cheerless.

After a minute or so, he halted their dance and the last note of his song lingered on the air. His eye searched her emerald ones; hand still on her hip while the other had moved to her cheek, stroking it gently with his thumb. "**So meva ryc hu sayhehk fedruid oui**".

His touch was soothing and his fingers were soft, so it took Rikku a couple of seconds to realise what he had said. Her heart thudded a thousand times per minute, painfully against her chest, threatening to burst. She didn't know how to react; now this moment had come, she wasn't quite sure what she wanted. Rikku had dreamed of being with Gippal for a long time, but those were merely fantasies while the reality was a lot harsher. He had already left her once for some chance that had turned sour. Could she trust him again?

Gippal retracted his hand from her waist and pulled out something from his pocket. The lily. The dreaded lily that had plagued Rikku's mind all day. The lily she came to detest. The lily that was now being tenderly placed in her hair. Now she could smell its musky harmonic aroma, and breathed in long and deep. The dreamy fragrance took her away from Sanubia Sands, away from a destroyed Home, away from every trouble which linked her to that place. Rikku felt at peace. And whether it was Gippal's words or the lily that helped, she realised exactly what she wanted. All that fear and worry and resentment had been ebbing away for a while now, and at this moment she realised that all those feelings mixed together weren't as satisfying as forgiveness and happiness and love. Life was too short to ruin the best part of it with a child-like grudge.

And they kissed.

* * *

_**Author's Note**_

**Nearly done now. Apologies for the lack of chapters but I've been busy with University work. Thanks to everyone who has been watching out for new chapters, for the comments and for anyone who added this story to their faves **

**Ihpameajypma = **Unbelievable

**Bnehlacc = **Princess

**So meva ryc hu sayhehk fedruid oui = **My life has no meaning without you


	9. Chapter 9: When You're Gone

It had been a week since Gippal and Rikku's attempt at marriage. Rikku had disappeared with Yuna to Guadosalam because, according to Wakka, she needed some peace and quiet, somewhere closed off from Spira. It was possible, Gippal thought, that this was a lie. It was also possible that the real reason she had escaped there was because it was the only place that held no memories of them as a couple. Or maybe she wanted to see her mom…

Gippal had remained in Besaid; his second-in-charge had taken over at Djose while he remained on 'holiday'. Well, at this moment in time he would have been towards the end of his Honeymoon; the oddest thing was that despite Gippal chickening out, he had each day meticulously planned out with romantic gestures. Waking up with Rikku in his arms, face buried in her soft hair smelling like the fruit from the trees in Kilika Woods, walking along Kilika Beach while the sun set over the horizon streaking the sky with a perfect cerise, a perfect candle-lit dinner where coy glances would be exchanged…all of these things he had desperately anticipated to make their honeymoon perfect now seemed little more than passing fantasies. And Yevon! How they seemed impossible now! But, Yevon, how _he_ had been the one to mess it up!

The blond Al Bhed hung his head, grasping it with both hands as Wakka walked leisurely by. "I didn't know you were awake," he murmured, looking down at him. "You okay?" After asking this, he must have realised what an unintelligent question it was. "Nevermind. I was wonderin' if you could help some locals with bringin' some fish in; I gotta look after Vidina from today."

Gippal felt like screaming. He opted instead for clenching his teeth painfully, tears stinging his eyes; he had often imagined bearing children with Rikku, and he often imagined that they would have her perfect smile and her adorable nose. Since he had left her – _left_ her, all alone – at the altar, Gippal spent most days biting his tongue as the overwhelming mental anguish and pain crashed over him like a tsunami of atonement. He could never forgive himself, yet he somehow held the impossible vision of Rikku exonerating him.

Without a word, Gippal stood and walked towards the dock where the ship to Kilika would usually wait. It was like another stab in the chest; this was where, as a newly married couple, they would have boarded the ship to their honeymoon destination. It seemed too long ago, as if he had been sent a thousand years into the future; everything seemed alien to him. It wasn't a long walk – he had previously been sat up against the cliff face on the beach where the trees hung lazily over the edge – and so spared himself a period of thinking, a period of punishment. He was keen to help out, not only because he could, but also considering that this type of manual labour would provide a distraction without the serious consequences that came with machina.

He gave a slight nod to one of the fishermen he knew and set to work, still silent. The job was easy enough; move the fish from the boat onto carts where they would then pull them back to the village. Of course, getting the rickety wooden carts back to Besaid Village proved a challenge, but not one he wasn't prepared to do to stop himself screaming for the time being. As he began the menial task, he let the numbness take over his mind and let the work consume him.

* * *

"How's Gippal?" Lulu asked, her soft melodic voice drifting through the air. She held Vidina against her side, gently rubbing her nose against his, making the toddler giggle.

"Same as always," Wakka replied, sighing. He had quietly watched the blond Al-Bhed's mood at a constant low, making sure he was reasonably stable from a distance. "He's not been himself since da wedding, ya?" He slowly stirred the vegetable soup in the metallic pot, mulling over what had conversed between them when they were in the Chamber of the Fayth a week ago.

"Understandable. He regrets what he's done, of course. But he knows it's unlikely that Rikku will forgive him." The black mage placed the toddler on the modestly decorated bed, giving him a tickle under his chin prompting another cherubic laugh.

She smiled down on their son lovingly as Wakka watched, a slight grin on his face; he always felt blessed having Lulu and Vidina. His life without them just wouldn't be comparable to the one he had now, even if it had been through unusual saddening situations. And a frown quickly replaced his goofy smirk as he remembered Chappu and the promise he had made about winning the Crystal Cup and…marrying Lulu. Such small circumstances were involved in the life he now led; it all began with Luzzu simply suggesting Chappu should join the Crusaders which eventually led to his tragic death. Such small changes in paths through life could cause such substantial knock-on effects that of which no one can quite predict; if Wakka hadn't have found Tidus that day, they might have been mourning the loss of another summoner. Such small changes…could Gippal leaving Rikku be that small nudge in a dramatic direction?

"Will you be okay looking after him?"

Wakka shook all the negative thoughts out; sometimes things didn't work out the way they were expected to, but the important thing was to work with what came along in life rather than dwell on what could have been. "Are you kiddin'? We'll have a blast, right kiddo?"

"Yep," Vidina crowed, sitting up.

"See?"

"I was talking about Gippal," she remarked. "But that's good to know, too."

"It'll take ya a while to get to Guadosalam. Are you sure you're gonna be alright?"

"I'm not going to Guadosalam." At his confused expression, Lulu continued: "Change of plan: I'm meeting Yuna and Rikku in Luca; we're staying there for a few more days."

"And I get to babysit?"

"I'm not a baby!" Vidina cried out indignantly.

"I wasn't talkin' 'bout you, little man." He blew a raspberry at the toddler, making the latter burst into a fit of giggles.

"Tidus can help you."

"Nah, I don't wanna bother him," Wakka replied, brushing the suggestion away. Tidus was usually busy training the Besaid Aurochs or the young children into Bliztball players. Besides, he didn't know Gippal that well, so it would be a lost cause before they had even begun; Gippal would only just listen to Wakka, let alone a temperamental, cry-baby like Tidus.

"Well, I'm sure you'll do just fine," she nodded, walking over to him and giving him a light kiss on the lips.

"Eeewww!"

"One day, you'll find a girl you like," Lulu commented to her son, smiling again. "And you'll want to kiss her."

"No way! Girls are yucky!" Vidina exclaimed, jumping on the bed.

"That's what they all say, and then bam! You fall in love," Wakka interjected. He remembered when he thought girls were 'yucky', what felt like such a long time ago. But he had always had a soft spot for Lulu, hidden deep down where even he couldn't find it all the time; Chappu always came first, so he buried those feelings even deeper, if were possible. After his little brother died, Wakka wasn't sure what to do with these unused emotions; would it be an insult to his memory if he acted on them? And before he could even think about what he wanted, he needed to know how Lulu felt. Luckily, it had both worked out perfectly between them, even if it was a little weird to begin with.

"Is that how it happens?" she asked him, a knowing smile on her face.

"Of course! You didn't know?" he teased, taking her delicate snow-white hand in his tanned one and giving it a loving kiss.

"Such a charmer," Lulu sighed, half-scolding half-complimenting him. She walked over to Vidina and gave him a cuddle and a kiss (with many playful objections) before picking up her carry-case containing the few essentials she would need. "I'll keep in touch via the CommSphere. Don't let Vidina stay up too late."

"Of course," Wakka nodded, amidst protests from their child boasting he could stay up 'all night'. "Tell Yuna and Rikku I said 'Hi'. And be safe." He watched her walk out of their home after a lingering look on both of her boys, and he listened to her determined footsteps walk towards Besaid Beach. "Goodbye," he whispered, too low for Vidina to hear. He never felt right without saying farewell, no matter the situation; Chappu, Auron, and even Tidus had gone without an exchange of goodbyes. Wakka considered it bad luck now. But Lulu was different; she didn't want to say goodbye, she thought saying goodbye was like saying farewell for good.

"Daddy, can we go play Blitzball?"

"After lunch, brudda," he promised. "Maybe we can get ya Uncle Tidus to play too, eh?"

* * *

The wind was gentle today. It blew lovingly through Gippal's hair, caressing his face like a pair of soft perfect hands. Like her hands. It was a safe place, this wind, a place that seemed to understand what he needed; to be loved by something that was out of this world. Like her.

It had been an hour since he had finished helping the fishermen, and afterwards he took a reasonably-paced walk back to the beach. The sun beat mercilessly down, despite the wind, and the thoughts that buzzed angrily around in his head wouldn't give him a moment of peace, so he walked waist-deep into the sea and breathed in the salty air. The rolling waves crashed in his ears, hushing those awful snarls that breathed truths. Part of him wanted to hear them, to be reminded of the terrible things he had done, to receive the tongue-lashings of his own mind that he deserved. Part of him wanted to drown it all out, perhaps to walk a bit further out to sea so he would be carried away…

Without hesitation, he took an unfaltering step further out to sea, not daring to think twice. But he remembered something that sent a shockwave through his body, a jolt which was stronger than any electric-shock he had received from a machina, so he stopped. Just after he had started unloading fish, he had seen Lulu pass him on the dock heading towards the S.S. Liki that was bound for Kilika at the end of the pier. Gippal nodded as she walked by and they exchanged a look. Her eyes were the most complex eyes he had ever seen; he read so many complicated emotions swirling around in their depths at that moment, but the most blatant message he saw was _Don't do anything stupid_. It seemed a silly thing to read from a simple look, but that's what he saw. And he felt obliged to listen to Lulu especially, because those very eyes seemed wise beyond their years; they had seen much pain, and knew more about heartache than Gippal. He wished that, with a single glance, he could communicate all the swirling sentiments that his lips had a problem with and let Rikku know what she meant to him. If only life were that easy.

Sighing, Gippal closed his eye and placed his hand flat on the surface on the water, running it smoothly on the liquid-glass top, letting it feel as if it were almost solid. It soothed him. When he was younger, he had been in a kid's Blitzball team but he had never stuck with it; he figured then that he would always want to play, and he would eventually join the Al Bhed Psyches. He never was one who wanted the simple things from life.

"Gippal! What in Spira's name are ya doin'?"

The blond Al Bhed turned to find an aggravated Wakka standing at the water's edge, looking as if he might jump in after him at any moment.

Gippal smiled at his concern. "Nothing," he called, though it came out rather solemnly. He pushed his hand through the water, breaking the surface, feeling the resistance press against his skin.

"Then get back here, man!"

He turned back to the beach and began walking, watching Wakka pace up and down like an aggravated fiend. There was another figure not far from him, stood holding a blitzball under his arm, the same shock of orange hair as his father, but a big smile spread across his face instead. Gippal wasn't sure he had it in him to fake happiness for Vidina today, but still he plastered a slight smirk on himself. "Hey, Vidina," he greeted, ruffling the boy's hair. The Al Bhed's voice seemed lacklustre though it seemed to appease him.

"What were ya doin' out there, man?"

"Thinking."

"Well, get back to the village and think there," Wakka reprimanded him. "Scared me half to death."

"Sorry."

He gave Gippal a once-over, as if assessing his mental state: "There's some vegetable soup for ya, brudda; eat it all up, eh?"

"Sure. Thanks." He didn't have the energy to make a sarcastic comment, so he obliged. He began the trudge back to Besaid Village, remembering not to do anything stupid. Instead, his mind further tormented him…


	10. Chapter 10: Man Overboard

_Running out of the Lulu and Wakka's house, Gippal cast his eye wildly around, desperately searching for her. After punching him in the eye, Wakka had convinced him to talk to Rikku, reiterating that even if he didn't think he'd make a good husband he still needed to. He had finally changed his mind after much persuasion; he remembered the times he had left her and regretted them without a doubt. He knew he was too late for the wedding – and to his dismay, he found he was slightly relieved – but he was determined to catch up with Rikku before she did anything drastic, as Wakka had put it. This thought spurred Gippal on and he resumed his frantic search, though he hadn't the slightest clue where she would be anymore; Wakka had said she was wallowing in sadness in their house but evidently she had disappeared elsewhere since. The beach was his next thought, but after what she had experienced she probably wouldn't want to be there anymore. _

_Gippal ignored the stares of the villagers as he wandered madly around in his smart wedding clothes, not really having a destination or a plan, only a simple goal: find Rikku. So, without any other option, he ran down to the dock, hoping to see the angelic blond Al Bhed on the way. Delusional daydreams crossed his mind as his chest ached painfully, trying to force more air through his lungs; Gippal imagined Rikku with her arms wide open on the beach, smiling, looking perfect, waiting for him to fill the gap there. And he would comply, without hesitation. But even though she was the kindest soul he knew, she was also one of the toughest; she wouldn't forgive him that easily. Still, there was that small hope. That small, foolish, impossible hope._

_He reached the beach and took a moment to stare out towards the sea; small blue-turquoise waves tumbling over each other, fighting for lead position, not caring over who they stumbled over, falling with a cymbal-like smash into obscurity once more. Gippal breathed in the salty air, letting it go to his head, filling him with more confidence. He knew he shouldn't have left her there on the beach, alone and embarrassed…or was it worse than that? Was she actually seriously depressed about this? Was the pain she was feeling worse than what he thought?_

_Gippal's pace picked up again, slipping slightly on the shifting sand. He felt a bead of sweat trickle over his face and down his neck, soaking into his clothes but leaving an uncomfortable tickling feeling. With a shiver, he ran past the rows of varnished wooden chairs – now completely empty, of course – decorated with crisp harsh pink lotus' and waxen chrysanthemums tied with silvery-ice ribbons which trailed down almost to the sand. At the end, a wooden arch stood decorated in masses of white roses; a doorway to married life that was never christened, and in the fading light it looked remarkably sober._

_Shaking his head, he sprinted along the dock leaving thudding noises in his wake on the weathered wooden boards. And the boat…was gone. Gippal's eye roved along the dock, knowing it was useless, and saw the S.S. Liki drifting away towards Kilika, not long having set-sailed. He could see a familiar face onboard; though it was not the one he expected, it still meant that Rikku was on the ship. Yuna was stood on-deck staring back toward Besaid, a solemn expression painted on her face, though whether it was because she saw Gippal he couldn't tell; if she did see him, she pretended not to._

_So many questions flew across his mind that he wasn't quite sure which was the most important; where was she going? Why was she going there? Who else had gone with them? Could _she_ see him right now? But he knew one thing: Rikku hadn't forgiven him at all. She must be hurting inside if she needed to get away to a different island. And he had caused this. All of this. He had proposed. He had suggested they married on Besaid. He had suggested their honeymoon destination. He had reassured her…He had left her. He had broken her heart. He had planted the seeds of doubt in her mind about herself…_

"_Rikku! Rikku!" Gippal wasn't sure why he yelled her name, but he didn't stop to think about it. Perhaps he was hoping the ship would turn around when she heard him. If she heard him. He couldn't stop himself from hoping. "RIKKU!"_

* * *

The memory of that day stung like a needle buried in his skin; always there, too deep to eradicate, always irritating. He had screamed when the boat was out of sight, not caring who heard – and several people had noticed his anguished screech – or what they possibly thought of his mental state. Since then he had screamed some more, sometimes during his sleep, waking Wakka in a worried frenzy, but after a few more shrieking nightmares, the redhead appeared irksome at these frequent outbursts and started to show less concern. In an act of defiance toward natural rest, Gippal began to lay awake at night for as long as humanly possible, pushing sleep away with a weary hand but knowing it will claim its prey. At first, he had kept a lit candle beside him as he rest underneath the stars in his sleeping bag; he let the flame taste the skin of his hands whenever the tiredness threatened which sent the pain singeing through his body and alerted him with such ferociousness. Unfortunately Lulu and Wakka saw his blackened fingers and so made it their duty to hide the candles as well as hover over him before he trudged off to his 'bed'. He then decided to move his bag to the beach; at least then he could scream to the wide open sea.

Gippal managed a few spoonfuls of soup before putting the bowl down on the table, his stomach churning restlessly as it always did these days even though Wakka's cooking was top-notch. It had nothing to do with food, of course; the bubbling unsettling reminder deep in his abdomen was of guilt and couldn't be extinguished easily. Worse than guilt, though he wasn't sure if there was a word that he could quite associate with his current emotion. Even though Wakka and Lulu looked after him, the Al Bhed knew that hatred conflicted with what they were doing. A hatred for tainting sweetness with his selfishness.

Biting his tongue to stop himself from screaming to the extremity that he tasted blood, Gippal concentrated his thoughts on the quaint home that the couple had set up; on a bedside table stood a ten centimetre wooden carving of a Shoopuf – most possibly Vidina's – that had been meticulously painted by hand in an act of love. Such detail! Whoever had done this was an artist; Gippal felt as if it were going to breathe at any moment. This wasn't the only figure in the house as several more were dotted around: an emerald-amber-ruby Sahagin bared its teeth from a book-filled shelf, while a scaled-down Sand Worm reared its ugly head from a bed head-board, and to the side of the door stood a Malboro which was slightly bigger than the other statues, ready to spew its toxic Bad Breath out into the spotless air, its many tentacles lovingly crafted making it seem even more real. They seemed such strange sculptures to have in a home with a young toddler, but each was so beautiful in its design that one couldn't help but marvel at the perfect statuette's form rather than the savagery of the fiend it was depicting.

He picked up the Shoopuf, examining the smooth planes that made up its shape, but barely a minute had passed before Wakka walked through the door. Gippal sighed internally; did he really need checking up on every five minutes like a kid? Sure, he had wanted to drown himself earlier, but that had passed now. He hoped.

"Not hungry?" the islander nodded towards the unfinished meal.

"No." The Al Bhed's voice wasn't challenging or angry, but quiet and calm, his eyes focused on the figurine positioned between finger and thumb. He could feel a slight throbbing emitting from his forefinger from where a particularly nasty burn still healed; he was falling asleep quickly that night. The skin there was hardened making it feel as if he was experiencing the sensation of touch through a stranger's finger.

"You gotta eat something.'"

"I know… Did you make this?" he asked, holding the Shoopuf in Wakka's line of sight, changing the subject abruptly.

The redhead smiled. "Yeah, those are mine. Lulu paints them though. Make them for Vidina; we tell him stories about fiends and animals we've seen, and sometimes he'll ask for a carving."

"How long does it take you?"

"Depends on the animal, ya?" He nodded towards the foul-looking Malboro: "That took me bout two weeks of serious dedication. But Lu's a wiz with a paintbrush."

"How do you do it?" Gippal asked, intrigued now.

Wakka bent down to open a cupboard by his and Lulu's bed, and pulled out a sheathed dagger which was no longer than the Al Bhed's middle finger. It wasn't a fancy piece of equipment; the dull brown leather case suggested that it was for function rather than decoration. But when removed, it was easy to see the blade was kept as sharp as possible. "With this, and a very steady hand, brudda. Nearly sliced one of my fingers off when I first started doing it."

"When did you start?"

"I was 'bout ten. One of the older villagers taught me how 'cos I was a troublemaker and needed a hobby which didn't involve causing havoc," he grinned, inspecting the shimmering edge of the blade. "I wasn't as good back then."

"Modest," Gippal noted.

"Hey, you know I'm pretty good."

The blond Al Bhed couldn't contest. He had always been fascinated at repairing machina, but this seemed something completely different; the careful dedication, the smooth graceful motions required, the gentleness of sitting whittling away at whatever the heart desired. He could feel Wakka watching him intently while he continued to admire the Shoopuf.

"You wanna try?"

Gippal looked up to see Wakka holding the dagger out to him. "I can't carve…" he began, leaning away from the offer. But the Besaidian's warm brown eyes looked desperate and hopeful, almost pleading, begging him to take the knife. He knew it was because of Rikku; everything Wakka and Lulu did these days regarding him was to ease his pain or to make him forget about her. He often convinced himself that if he wasn't so demoralised, if he felt no remorse, they would give him a pretty hard time about the wedding. Of course, trying to make him forget Rikku only made him think about her more if it were even possible. Sighing, Gippal made their life easier. Taking the dagger, he replied: "I'll start with something simple."

* * *

"Hey, Lu."

She smiled in response. That wonderful, heart-warming smile that was rare but worth the wait. Those smiles were reserved for those few who meant the world to Lulu; luckily, Wakka was one of them. Unfortunately, it was marred slightly by the graphics of the Commsphere that fuzzed slightly, but it was still there.

"How was your trip?"

"Reasonably comfortable. The weather's dull but it's quite calming."

"How's everyone?" By 'everyone' Wakka, of course, meant Rikku namely. He could see Gippal struggle more each day; sometimes it was unbearable to watch. And just the other day he had given him a knife – though so far so good – in a bid to distract him from the pain. Perhaps it wasn't the brightest idea, but it might just work. He couldn't bear to think how the petite Al Bhed was dealing with the hurt.

"Everyone's fine. Yuna and Rikku have gone out walking to the Mi'ihen Highroad." There was a slight note of worry in her voice, but she remained otherwise emotionless. "How is Vidina?" Lulu smiled again when she asked, her usually hard eyes softening, her face glowing.

"He's alright; out playin' Blitzball with Tidus and the Aurochs. He's gonna be a Blitzball champion, Lu."

"I wouldn't be surprised," she replied lovingly.

There was hesitant tension in the air as neither spoke but each had a question to ask. Wakka nodded towards his wife, indicating that she speak first.

"How is Gippal?"

"Same as always; wallowin' in self-pity, slouching around the island tryin' to find a distraction. But it's okay 'cos I gave him my whittlin' knife-"

"This is good news?" the mage asked incredulously.

Wakka held up both hands in defence: "Hear me out! He took a real interest in those figures we made, so I gave him a crash course and set him to work. It's a perfect way for him to concentrate on somethin' else."

Lulu bit her perfect full bottom lip, looking unsure. "I don't think it will completely divert him, but it _will_ keep him busy."

"See? I do have good ideas."

"I never doubted you. Just…keep an eye on him." That paternal side came out again, as always. She had always been a mother-figure, especially to Yuna when she was younger – still a little bit now – but sometimes Wakka thought she took it upon herself to watch over everyone. Sometimes she worried too much.

There was a quiet noise from Lulu's end and she turned sharply to the side, investigating the source; it couldn't have been Rikku as she twisted back to the Commsphere without a look of worry.

"How's Rikku?" he asked, getting to the point.

"Distraught. According to Yuna, she spends most of the day in bed and she barely says a word when she's awake. But when I ask how she is, she says she's fine." That troubled look slightly marred her perfect features; of course Rikku wouldn't speak, her heart weighed heavy and he had a feeling that every time she would reply that she was 'fine' it would taste a lie. It was strange how fate had persistently thrown two Al Bheds into his life and how, when he had once hated them without reason, he now not only felt obligated to care for them but he _wanted_ to care for them.

"No screaming?"

Lulu tilted her head thoughtfully for a moment, as if trying to figure something out. "I don't think she's the screaming type."

"That's good news."

"Is it?" An inquisitive look from Wakka made her continue tentatively: "I've been thinking: maybe screaming is a good release. At first I worried about Gippal's mental state with all that yelling during his sleep, but at least he's expressing himself."

"If you can call it that."

"Whereas Rikku," she continued, ignoring his comment. "She seems to hide everything away in a place where I think not even she can find it. But that is to be expected," Lulu added solemnly. "Gippal has shown himself to be the more outgoing one, and therefore able to express himself in a more…unrestrained manner."

"But what about Rikku? What's her release?"

"She's coping in her own way," his wife assured him, though her expression didn't match the confidence in her voice; as she looked away falteringly, her curved dark eyebrows pulled down at the sides and her lips twisted in an unsure grimace. It was the caring mother figure again.

"So, when are you coming home?" Wakka asked, breaking the tentative silence.

"It won't be long now; a couple more days, Yuna said. And I don't know how Rikku will react to him yet," Lulu interrupted him before he had the chance to ask. "I know that Gippal will be ecstatic to see her again. Remorseful, but ecstatic nonetheless. Yet…" She sighed deeply, pausing as if to think of the situation once more. Wakka knew she had been assessing the possibility of a happy reconciliation of the two Al Bhed for a while now, yet – she had often confessed – there seemed very little chance of that happening. At least not right away.

"Maybe Rikku will forgive him when she gets back," Lulu concluded, shrugging.

Wakka couldn't believe what he was hearing. Rikku would never forgive Gippal straight off the bat, and Lulu surely knew this too. But the way her earnest eyes were quietly telling him to trust her soothed his worries. He had the feeling that something had changed, that Lulu had persuaded Rikku to think it through more carefully.

"Has Tidus got any plans to propose to Yuna?"

This question caught him off guard; he sat, spluttering and coughing, trying to come up with a coherent response while Lulu gave a small chuckle. "He better talk to me first, eh?" he warned, more flabbergasted than angry.

"Oh, Wakka. You sound as if you've never heard of such a thing as a wedding," Lulu berated him gently. "I just think it might happen soon. They've been together for a while and they're both madly in love."

"But I'm the nearest thing she has to a father now, ya? So he's gotta ask for my permission first before any of that."

"You'll scare him away."

"Better than havin' a repeat of the last wedding," Wakka mumbled, folding his arms huffily like a child.

"Yes," she nodded, causing a slight tinkling from the beads in her hair. "But I have a feeling that Tidus would never do that."

"How do you know?"

"I just know."

There had been enough times when Lulu's gut instinct had been proven right – too many for Wakka to count on two hands – so there came a point when he stopped questioning her unfounded logic. There was a moment – during Yuna's pilgrimage – when she had commented on Tidus; her words had been to the effect that the young Blitzball star would change the course of their journey, for better and for worse. And, of course, this had come to pass.

"So, two days time?" Wakka asked more cheerfully, his mood lightened.

"Yes, but I think we'll arrive as inconspicuously as possible, so don't tell anyone. Definitely not Gippal."

"Why? Arrggh, I hate keepin' secrets."

"I know," she sighed understandingly, her eyes softening. "But I doubt the first person Rikku wants to see when she steps off the boat is the man who jilted her; she needs time."

Giving a begrudging nod, Wakka imagined that feeling of abandonment; he remembered when his parents died. It wasn't the same kind of situation – his parents had been killed by Sin when he was too young – but there was a period of his life when he resented them to a degree; he felt they had given up their lives too easily, rolled over and died, so to speak. That slot of anger soon changed into searing guilt; how could he be angry when they had been murdered by Sin, and so had had a very small chance of survival? He and Chappu hadn't been abandoned; their parents had been mercilessly snatched away from them. And so had Chappu. Wakka always thought he would relish the opportunity to come face-to-face with Sin in combat – even though the idea had seemed ludicrous to him – but when it finally happened, all the pain, resentment and fear burned through his veins like wildfire, and he would rather have been back in the Via Purifico than on the top of that airship at that moment. Of course, he had never ever voiced these sentiments.

Wakka shuddered.

"What's wrong?" Lulu asked, concerned.

"Ah, nothin'. Bad memories. Well, I gotta get dinner sorted. You wanna speak to Vidina?"

"I don't want to disturb his Blitzball session," she smiled, the mere thought of him lighting up her face. "I'll call again in a couple of hours."

"Okay. Love you, Lu."

"I love you, too."

* * *

An hour after Wakka's brief tutorial on the Dos and Don'ts of whittling, Gippal had been left alone with the very sharp dagger and a reasonably-sized lump of wood while the redhead went to answer a call on the Commsphere. The Al Bhed settled himself in the shade of the immense stone temple, housing everything he had never believed in. It was a quiet evening; the sun was still sitting in the sky casting a slight pinkish hued blanket over the islanders, but it too had begun it's descent into rest, cooling Besaid considerably, while most of the people had retired indoors for their dinners. A cool breeze blew from the sea; the smell of that salty air triggered the disastrous memories of Gippal's wedding day, filling the pit of his stomach with stones. And made him uncomfortably thirsty; his tongue felt like a clump of sand sat lazily in his mouth, and his body throbbed for liquid refreshment.

Pushing aside any thoughts of quenching his craving or repeating the punishing mental anguish he had subjected himself to, he became determined to create something at least half the beauty of what Wakka had carved; he would make it for Rikku. Yes. Even if she hated every fibre of him (which was most definitely the case, he thought sadly), he would whittle something which represented everything he felt for her. His tormented screams did nothing but tear his throat to shreds. His wordless gestures did nothing but make him feel dumb. His impossible hopes did nothing but make him feel foolish.

But what would he carve?

Gippal thought back to the figures that inhabited Wakka's home; Marlboro, Sand Worm, Sahagin, Shoopuf…no, none of them. He thought of all the fiends and animals he knew in Spira; Drake, Ochu, Bomb, Basilisk, Adamantoise, Ogre, Arachnid…no, none of them either. Every fiend he thought of couldn't capture her spirit; the ferociousness of her loyalty, the gracefulness of her limbs, the strength of her will, the radiant beauty that shone from her very being. There was no other living thing that came close to Rikku. Besides, he knew he didn't have the skill to duplicate the wood into something as intricate as a fiend; it was just a whimsical daydream. At first he thought about asking Wakka to carve it for him, but quickly discarded that idea; this was Gippal's project, something which would be produced by him from the heart.

The blond Al Bhed changed tact, thinking instead of the flora which sprouted proudly from the ground. But flowers didn't have a hope of imitating her; they weren't nearly as beautiful and, to Gippal, they only had one true purpose: to be aesthetically pleasing. How could he capture the essence of Rikku in an inanimate being? Something which wasn't capable of showing love or bravery or compassion.

Gippal then thought of machina and immediately contemplated the negative connotations associated with them; cold, mechanical, dirty, rusty…no, not Rikku in the slightest. However, he then realised something vitally important which he had overlooked: machina, were in fact, very helpful; they had many different small parts which created an object which had become useful in present-day Spira. Again, Gippal's lack of expertise had stopped him from cutting into the wood.

Aeons? No, too sacrilegious. A Cactuar? Definitely not; Rikku hates needles. Her thief daggers? No; he didn't want it linked with fighting. A Blitzball? Simple, but nothing to do with Rikku.

Gippal felt like screaming for the millionth time; he didn't anticipate how hard it would be, and now he slightly regretted giving himself this seemingly impossible task. Instead, he clamped his mouth shut and looked desperately around for inspiration. Dusk began to settle heavier; flying insects drifted lazily around lights hung outside doors while the aromas of several meals snaked their way outside, mingling into an ecstasy of ambrosia. A lone dog wandered around, looking for its next meal, its tongue lolling out as it panted, making Gippal feel thirstier than ever. There was no other movement; he could hear people chattering inside their huts, discussing their day's activities. Although the endeavours should have sounded mundane – fishing, swimming, bartering, building – the way in which they were described was with such a passion that they sounded anything but. It was strange that something so small and simple could bring such joy…

And as Gippal tilted his head skyward, he finally had a design to carve.

* * *

**Author's Note**

Hi :)

Sorry if I appear to be dragging this out a bit. I do seem to like torturing Gippal, don't I? Don't worry; the next chapter will either be the last or the second to last, so nearly done :) Rikku _will_ make her triumphant return in the next chapter.

I actually wrote some of this while I was on holiday; dedication or what? :D So I hope it still all fits together. Also, this chapter is about 2,000 words longer than the previous ones; is this a comfortably sized chapter or do you like them shorter? I only ask because I'm interested.

Thank you to everyone who has commented, added to their favourite stories and/or are watching out for the next chapters. I hope my story has entertained you to some degree and I'm sure you'll see more stories from me.

xx

P.S. I also apologise for the names of the chapters; they're all song names which I chose to sum-up the mood of the chapter...I hope.


	11. Chapter 11: Won't Back Down

Two Days Later…

Wakka waited nervously at the docks, sat with his legs dangling over the side in the dull solid sun. An overcast seemed prudent on this particular day, he thought to himself worriedly. They were expected any time soon, and therefore Wakka had had to make sure Gippal was well and truly busy before leaving him alone. Vidina was with Tidus; even he knew nothing about his mother's return. But it was for the best in this situation.

He could see the S.S. Liki in the near distance, carrying the three women to their destination with sombre sincerity, lumbering through the water like an immense leviathan. The white sails were out – Wakka had half-expected them to be black – pushing them closer and closer each second. He felt as if he were waiting for the survivors of a bloody battle, long torn away from their homeland, but it wouldn't be familiar when they got home; their eyes would be filled with the knowledge of that war and their arms would weigh heavy with the burden they now carried.

As he waited, he thought about how Gippal had spent the last two days with that carving knife and that piece of wood; when Wakka realised how obsessed he had become over his new hobby, he had tried to pry the items from him, only to be met with a desperate stare. It seemed that concentration on something different **was** the cool ice-water in the Sanubia Sands. Admittedly, Wakka was quite curious as to what Gippal was making but the Al Bhed guarded this secret with his life; he did know, however, that he was in the process of painting it. Though, of course, this was done in a shroud of mystery too. What he did understand without a doubt was that he was making something for Rikku. It wasn't a hard deduction; after all the moping he did about her there seemed very little possibility that she didn't spur on his creativity.

This worried him. Of course this worried him. It made him anxious just like everything Gippal did these days made him so. But, if Wakka was being honest, he wasn't sure of Rikku's reaction anymore. The way Lulu had suggested that the petite Al Bhed might forgive her ex tore his mind into two; he had been so certain that the outcome of their reunion would be anything but civilised before his wife's knowing-stare. If Gippal gave the carving to her and she threw it back at him…well, Wakka was sure that that would be the final breaking point. After that, he didn't think he'd be able to stop him sprinting into the sea.

The boat moored at the dock, and Wakka stood up expectantly, standing on his tiptoes to see better over the small crowd plodding off the S.S. Liki. There were butterflies fluttering restlessly in his stomach; he wasn't quite sure where his nervousness spread from. But soon enough Wakka saw Lulu and he embraced her as she stepped onto the wooden boards of the dock. Though only a few days had passed, he missed her like he would have missed the sea hushing him to sleep every night; the mellow perfume she wore was like a soothing caress, her calm voice drifted on the air like the sweetest lullaby, and her comforting touch could make anyone melt. Sometimes, he wasn't quite sure how he continued to live without her presence.

Wakka gave her a slight kiss on the nose to which she gave the slightest of giggles. "How was your journey?"

To his surprise, Lulu didn't frown, nor did her expression change in the slightest: "Good. Luca is busy, as always." She paused, biting her lip. "I missed you, though."

"Ah, Lu. You'll make me blush, ya?" he replied, rubbing the back of his head, but his other hand clasped Lulu's waist close. He looked back to this ship before asking: "So, where are they?"

"Just collecting their belongings," she replied, giving a slight nod to her own luggage on the floor. "You worry too much."

This shocked Wakka; again with the unwavering optimism? Everyone had been treading on eggshells regarding the subject of Rikku and Gippal's marriage, yet now Lulu decides to be upbeat about it? It seemed unlikely Rikku's attitude towards it all had changed.

Before he had a chance to voice these concerns, Wakka saw the Al Bhed walking down the ramp with Yuna close at her heels. It was unusual seeing them after what felt like an age; it was almost as if they were strangers meeting once more, yet there were familiar elements hidden in their features that warmed his blood. They were both dressed in simple clothes – a comfortable top and trousers – a far cry from the skimpy numbers they had worn in their sphere-hunting days, with their hair loose and slightly untidy. And they were both…_smiling_?

Wakka did a double-take; his eyes didn't believe it, his mind didn't want to believe it, but his heart did a cautious leap for joy. Ever since he had put his prejudiced ideals aside, Rikku had been like another little sister; her joy was as infectious as her sadness. However, at that moment his mind still directed him to the unanswered question: what was she so happy about? Surely she hadn't forgotten that easily.

"Hey, Wakka," Rikku smiled, giving him a playful punch in the arm. Her voice was light, relaxed, calm; he tried to search beyond these elements to find the broken-hearted emotion that lay hidden from view, but to no avail. It could simply be that he wasn't as expertly adept at reading people, or that she really wasn't hurting much anymore. Either way, he couldn't figure it out.

"Uh, hey, Rikku. How…was your trip?" Wakka asked hesitantly.

Here was where he expected the thunder to cross her face, for her expression to change into one of murderous anger. Yet she just smiled again. "Pretty good. We went to see a few Blitzball games; it gets really hectic during the tournament."

There was no inkling of why she left suggested in the way she talked or how she stood, or any mention of her time in Guadosalam either. It was as if she had been on holiday. Yuna gave him a similar cheery greeting before asking: "So, where's Vidina?"

"With Tidus, playin' Blitzball of course." His worried eyes lingered on Rikku for a moment, before adding light-heartedly: "He won't leave Tidus alone, ya? You better go help him," he nodded at the ex-summoner.

She giggled, even though it wasn't particularly funny. Wakka tried again; straining his eyes, he attempted to see something that wasn't blatantly there. He knew it was there. Maybe it had to be seen a certain way? Like an optical illusion.

"Um, are you okay?" Yuna asked, hesitantly picking up her travel case.

"Yeah, your eyes look weird." It was a relief hearing Rikku interject like

she always did, but infuriatingly unusual at the same time.

"I'm just tired, ya?"

Lulu gently nudged his shoulder with her forehead: "Come on, let's go back to the village."

"I'm gonna stay here a bit longer," the Al Bhed spoke up, almost timidly. Yuna turned to give her a long steady look. "I'll be fine," she nodded. It was Gippal she was avoiding; Lulu must have told her he was still on Besaid. Whether or not she had described his desperate and tortured screams was not clear. Perhaps that's why she was slightly cheery; hearing how Gippal gave himself a hard time might've improved her mood. It seemed a strange thing to be happy about, but it was a feasible explanation.

With vacillation, the three of them trudged slowly away leaving Rikku to stare out to the sea.

* * *

Finally, Gippal's carving was finished. It wasn't the most elegant, the most complex, the most artistic, but he had made it. He had spent the better part of two days creating it with his own hands, and he felt a strange sense of pride that was greater than building machines. He had caught himself several times with the knife; even though there was barely any pressure behind his strokes, the dagger had an unbelievably sharp edge. Of course, this was nothing that a couple of small bandages couldn't solve. After carefully placing his creation in the shade of a small bush to completely dry (behind the shop, out of sight from others) Gippal sat on the temple steps, contemplating his next move.

The logical thing to do would be to go to Guadosalam. He hadn't been brave enough before to see her, to watch her face painted with contempt; while sat alone under the scorching sun, he had come to realise that she had needed space, which explained her trip. But as he thought about it, it still seemed like a bad idea; he wanted Rikku alone, without the judgement of Yuna and Lulu clouding his words. Besides, there was no guarantee that she had stayed there; Wakka wouldn't have told him if she had gone elsewhere in fear of him losing his mind even further. So, where in Spira was she? He needed her back in Besaid. Either that or he would spend the rest of his life searching every corner of the world.

Yes. He would do just that. Once his model was dry, needless to say. He would be out of Wakka's hair soon enough; he would take the next boat to Kilika and begin his arduous search. Then to Luca. He would stop every passer-by to make sure he didn't miss her, if he had to. All the way, even to the lost city of Zanarkand. It was strange how this new sense of cautious optimism had taken over, as if the carving he had made would be the ticket back into Rikku's arms. He shouldn't think like that; if he found her there was a massive possibility she would reject him. This problematic course always sat in the back of his mind, hissing the reminder constantly, becoming louder when he got his hopes up just the slightest bit.

Yet Gippal had such a good feeling this time; he couldn't explain it. There was something different in the air that he allowed a trickle of optimism to well from his heart, shushing that cynical voice. He looked back towards the temple and, not for the first time, he thought about praying. It wasn't that he was feeling particularly religious, and he knew the temples reputation had plummeted since Sin and Vegnagun had reared their ugly heads, but rather his mentality believed that it couldn't hurt his chances. If he prayed and Rikku snubbed him, then he could at least take comfort in the fact he had asked Yevon for help. Though, really, he would still probably let the sea carry him away. He never really liked the temples, though, which is why he jumped at the chance to take Djose and turn it into something less sanctimonious; he wanted to turn that eerie building into something useful, to build machines for the future. When he was young, Gippal was taught to ignore the teachings, that they were just foolish rules made by old fools who were out of touch with the people of Spira. Other Al Bhed had no concept of religion; they were a practical race, building instead of praying. Yet, there were moments in his life when Gippal thought about becoming a follower of Yevon, times when situations were tough and the only hope seemed to be that of a supernatural force. Now was one of those times-

Gippal's heart almost stopped. Off in the distance, just about to enter the village, was the unmistakeable figure of Wakka, but he wasn't alone. In step with him was Lulu whose luggage was being dutifully carried by her husband and on his other side was the High Summoner, a careful smile spread across his face. But where was Rikku?

In a heartbeat, Gippal stealthily moved to hide behind the old Crusader's Lodge and slumped to the floor. His breathing increased rapidly so that he almost had trouble hearing what they were saying.

"…and I found the cutest stuffed toy for Vidina," Yuna was explaining. "It was only fifty Gil."

"Ah, Yuna, you didn't have to…" Wakka began.

"But I wanted to. Besides, I bet he doesn't have a cuddly Chocobo."

"It _is_ adorable," Lulu laughed lightly. "He'll love it."

There was an audible pause. For a moment, Gippal thought they had gone inside, but he could still hear movement of feet.

"Where's Gippal?" Wakka asked, confusion thick in his voice. He had left the Al Bhed sat in the village and given him specific instructions not the move. Is it because Rikku was here? On the beach? Gippal's heart thudded loudly in his ears.

"He didn't pass us," Lulu remarked sombrely in a hushed tone.

"He better not have."

"Maybe we should look for him," came Yuna's worried voice, and Gippal imagined a frown had replaced her grin.

"I'm on it," Wakka's fatherly reply stated, and heavy footsteps began jogging towards the Al Bhed. He panicked, sure that his hiding place would be discovered but the Blitzer ran straight past him up into the temple.

At first Gippal was thankful, but then two realisations sank his heart. Wakka was purposely checking the Chamber of the Fayth first because that's where the groom had been hiding on his wedding day; it brought back all the sad self-hating memories that crushed his spirit, making him feel weak. Secondly, there was no possible way to get to Rikku. They would search the entire island until they found him; they weren't going to merely shrug their shoulders and give up. He would need to show himself before there was any chance of a meeting with her. Obviously not to jump out exclaiming 'here I am!' with a mischievous grin on his face, but something subtler.

The Al Bhed stayed rooted to the spot, listening out for more of their conversation before his next step in the plan; perhaps he was able to hear some clues as to Rikku's temperament or where she even was.

"He does take it upon himself sometimes," Lulu sighed then.

"Just that fatherly instinct," Yuna reassured her, but there was still that nervous twinge in her voice.

"You're right. Still…" she trailed off, leaving the unfinished thought lingering on the air. Gippal wanted her to finish it – to not do so drove him insane – but there must have been a profound look between the two women because Yuna didn't press the matter.

"Do you think he passed us?" The question was asked in a hushed tone, as if Wakka might hear.

"It's not impossible," Lulu's ever-calm voice admitted. "But it seems unlikely. I'm sure he's in the temple."

"Perhaps. He might leave the island once he talks to her again, anyway," Yuna remarked, an uncharacteristic icy hint tingeing the words.

"Possibly," was the black mage's reply, though, as usual, there was barely any emotion in her speech.

A hot irritation flooded through Gippal's body; so that's the type of person they thought he was, huh? To make the same mistake twice? I mean, sure, everyone makes errors, but to make the same one again? That wasn't Gippal at all. He always gave his most whenever he had previously made a mistake; this time, he'd have to put every fibre of his soul into his second chance. And he would make sure he had a second chance.

He realised at this moment that the silence stretched out further than it should have, so, chancing a peek around the corner, he investigated and found that they had gone inside the couple's home. Gippal strolled out from his hiding spot, casting a cautious eye around, and walked to where he had set down his carving, sitting down himself.

Now he'd wait for Wakka – which shouldn't take long – to come running back out and 'find' him where he left him…though he'd have to explain his absence two minutes ago…A simple trip into the store. Yes, that would suffice. The next important thing was what he would say to Rikku once he met with her again.

Many possible explanations ran through his head in regards to their ruined day, but none of them sounded right or were honest. There was only one reason for what he had done: he was a coward. To admit this to himself was unnerving, especially when he considered everything he had done without a second thought: joining the Crimson Squad, fighting Vegnagun, dealing with potentially dangerous Machines everyday. But it was the truth.

He gave a careful fatherly look at his piece of art, and settled himself under the sun, a million thoughts running through his head, all which would have to be resolved before tonight.


	12. Chapter 12: Walking After You

That night, he bade goodnight to Wakka, Lulu and Vidina, dragging his clumsy feet off to the beach for sleep. Even as they acknowledged his sentiment, Gippal noticed another cagey glance they shared; it had been the norm throughout the day, and he was fed up of their even more blatant attempts at watching him.

Somehow, Rikku had gone back to the village before dark and was holed-up in the temple, though rather than create a scene he decided to let everyone doze off before trying to reach her. So Gippal waited. And the minutes that ticked arduously by were torture. But he forced a smile, watched Wakka play Blitzball with Vidina, ate almost half of the food they prepared for him…all the while his head rapidly whirred with a thousand thoughts; the same ones repeatedly fought for his attention, the same ideal words mixing into one linguistic mayhem. Buried somewhere in his troubled mind was the speech that was the perfect integration of humiliation, remorse and love which also retained whatever little dignity he had left, added with the jaded quiver in his voice, of course. Buried somewhere _very_ deep.

The Al Bhed hadn't seen Yuna all day – prompting him to believe she was purposefully avoiding him – and he overheard Lulu explaining to Wakka that Paine had decided not to come back to Besaid (which was probably best for Gippal's survival). With this in mind, his attention turned to the one thing he would never understand: girl talk. Although he had a pretty good idea of what was said in Luca, he found himself despairing of the fact that he wouldn't know the full extent; every frown, every infliction, every raised eyebrow and every uncomfortable shuffle spoke volumes that mere speech could not convey, and here Gippal felt he had a unreasonable right to know exactly how that conversation occurred. He imagined Lulu's stern albeit concerned gaze resting parentally on the three young women, trying to smooth over the disrupt that he had created with words he couldn't imagine. Yet, this was his punishment; this secret discussion would never be fully known to him.

He reached the point overlooking Besaid village when the previous night's nightmare played yet again in his mind. After he had fallen asleep, he had dreamt that he had awoken to find Rikku – well, he _assumed_it was her noting that her hair was done up as it always was these days – standing knee-deep in the sea; he had panicked then, thinking she meant to drown herself as he had wanted to before and so had hurried over to her. When he had discovered, to his horror, that her features had been wiped clean from her face leaving a repulsively blank canvas, he had woken in a cold sweat, his chest heaving from the deep ragged breaths he was taking. It was also a nightmare he had regularly come round to screaming. Yet, he felt no immediate concern over this particular idiosyncrasy; something told him that others would interpret too much from these dreams – things he did not necessarily need telling – and so the best decision was to remain quiet about being loud.

With a lumbering shuffle, Gippal forced his legs to continue on round to the beach, his seemingly small figure overshadowed by the cliffs embracing the enclosed corridor of sand. As he followed this passage, he was greeted by the alluring sight of the clearance bathed in the silvery caress of the moon, shimmering sea sparkling as if inhabited by Pyreflies darting restlessly beneath its surface, and yet the scene left behind for that day suggested a barren lifeless place. Barrels lay on their sides after being rolled off of the ships, having been filled with equipment or freshly caught fish (depending on their luck that day) and nets hung out to dry having been darned by the villagers if need be, appearing to be giant cobwebs in the darkness, glimmering with the moonlight. Small boats had been left on their sides, marooned on the sands, accompanying crudely-made tents designed to keep fish from roasting beneath the hot Spiran sun; it was as if the people had been warned of Sin's presence and simply abandoned that peaceful recess, leaving things where they lay.

Yet there, amongst the blissful wreckage, stood a celestial vision that almost caused Gippal's heart to fail. He rubbed his eye several times as a familiar warmth spread throughout his entire body; standing ankle-deep in the ocean was Rikku, her blonde tousled hair blowing with the wind as if some divine apparition. He heard her ghostly sigh carried by the breeze and he exhaled deeply in response. This was how his dreams usually started, but this wasn't a dream…was it? Everything seemed so real except the moment though he remained cautious, ready to wake at any moment.

Throwing away any inhibitions, the Al Bhed walked slowly in her direction, his heartbeat quickening with each step until it was about to escape his chest. The walk seemed to last a lifetime though it was over too soon as well, and he stood behind the petite girl, itching to reach out and hold her again, arms aching from the space she left empty. Or more accurately, he pushed her out of.

Was she waiting for _him_?

"Rikku," he murmured, reaching out to her. It was an instant of madness, a moment when everything logical had decided to leave the situation.

She emitted a gasp before punching him in the stomach and in his eye, for what wasn't the first time. Definitely not a dream; definitely real, Gippal thought as he reeled from the pain, spluttering as he fell to his knees.

"Yevon!" he coughed, though he was sure he had never been happier to be winded.

"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, a comforting hand reaching hesitantly towards him. Good news at least in the fact that she wasn't rejoicing in blacking his eye again and actually seemed quite concerned at the crouched figure at her feet who was currently cursing Yevon repeatedly. His heart was soaring at her touch – even if it was a lot rougher than he had remembered – and his body hummed erratically with anticipation; it reminded Gippal of seeing her for the first time in a while before they had fought Vegnagun. She had been the breath of fresh air back in his life, if only for a little while at the time and if only from an uncomfortably large distance; he had gently teased her about them being 'quite the couple' to which she had responded in a seemingly embarrassed manner. His declaration had been partly ironic because of the past break-up – which was the part Rikku responded to – but there had been some honest truth to it; they **were** quite the couple.

Grimacing, Gippal struggled to his feet. "S'fine, s'fine. Didn't feel a thing. Really." Another exaggeration; it hurt like a high-velocity blitzball to the face.

Then came that awkward moment. The one where the silence had been broken between two feuding parties, and now something had to be said to either make it better or continue the argument. Those words he seemed intent on finding never came; of course they didn't! What were the right ones for your jilted ex-partner? Instead, he satisfied himself by opening and closing his mouth stupidly like a water-deprived fish, his injured eye long forgotten.

She shuffled uncomfortably and moved to turn away.

He panicked and reached for the closest words: "I'm sorry!" Gippal blurted out, and she stopped in her tracks. Apt, yes, but nowhere near what needed to be said. No words seemed to follow up to this – no explanation, no begging – so he held out his arms, defeated, as if asking for forgiveness.

"Is that it?"

"No! I was stupid…I **am** stupid! I-I can't believe what I did! It seemed like the right idea at the ti-" She turned then to give him a cold stare. "No, wait! I didn't mean that!"

"Just tell me the truth, Gippal!"

An awful pause ensued; referring to him by name shook him to the core, both in a good and bad way. She, too, hesitated at the familiarity and severe tone she threw at his name.

"Alright. The simple answer: I had cold feet. Figuratively," he added, though her face remained passive. "I thought about you, about us, and how amazing everything was. And then I realised it was amazing _because_ of you. What did I have to offer to that relationship? I looked at myself in the mirror that day and realised I contributed nothing." He gave a short bitter bark of laughter; it sounded stupid and didn't even make sense completely, but it was the truth at least. "Do you know what I mean?"

"And for that reason you decided to ruin my life?"

"I thought I was making your life better! If I left, you'd hate me but you'd be free to be with someone you deserve; that was my mentality at the time. Then Wakka – Wakka of all people! – talked me back round. I tried to run after you, but you had gone."

Rikku remained quiet. Too quiet.

Gippal took a small step forward, almost reaching out to her. "I know I made a mistake, and I regret it up to the sky and down to the bottom of the sea. Just tell me…tell me what I need to do to make it better. I'll climb up Gagazet. I'll swim to Bikanel. I'll walk across Spira just to make it right!"

More silence. She couldn't even look at him; her gaze diverted to the ocean.

"At least tell me what you're thinking!" He felt as if he were going mad, watching her emotionless face as he spilt his heart out to her.

"I think…I think we need some time apart," Rikku murmured, looking down at her shuffling feet. "A year or so, just until things go back to normal, back to the way things were before we fought Vegnagun. Back to being just friends."

"I can't wait that long, and that's not the way I want things!" he growled, though his frustration wasn't directed at Rikku. It came out harsher than he had meant causing the Al Bhed to give him a slightly fearful look though she remained rooted, strong. He calmed himself and tried again: "I don't want to waste time waiting again. I messed up! Yevon, I've messed up twice!

"Every time I see you, hear your voice, breathe in your sweet scent, my heart skips so violently that I think I might drop dead. But y'know what? I would die happy; just knowing you, being some part of your life, would make anyone joyful. You're so upbeat! I never knew how, even in the worst of times, you always had a positive smile on your face. And after what I put you through! You look as delicate as a desert flower but you're so tough, so resistant to anything thrown your way." He sighed after his miniature rant, gazing at the timid Al Bhed before him. "I _have_ ruined your life."

"Just go, please," she commanded softly, turning sharply away. "I need to be alone."

Gippal could feel his one shining chance at forgiveness slipping through his shaking fingers, as coarse and delicate as sand, trickling away into the space where wasted time goes. He didn't want to leave it this way, to mar this meeting with a sour note, but there was no other way; she didn't want him here anymore. Grabbing her shoulders, kissing her passionately, telling her that Spira had gotten it wrong and should instead be worshipping her were all overly romantic gestures that certainly would have been feasible, but not for this moment. All of the textbook actions that he could think of briefly fluttered through his mind before being quickly rejected; no, none of them either.

Perhaps this was it. The end. The end of their chapter together; from now on their stories would be told separately and eventually finish as of such. Without the other. It was a mind-numbing pain; a world without Rikku seemed bleak, as if the sun had been smothered by thick clouds after an extended period of immense natural light. He had felt a similar way while she was gone, but this was different; there appeared to be no hope left.

Gippal turned to leave, his whole body feeling as if it were made of stone; he couldn't think of what to do next, what his life would hold. Thinking back, he should have known this would be her reaction, this would be her final solution; to wipe him clean from her life. What a stupid decision! He had always told himself so, but now that statement seemed more poignant than ever. It wasn't even strong enough to describe what he really thought; there were no words. He had destroyed both their lives. Why didn't he just go through the wedding? A simple trip up the aisle and a quick exchange of vows was nothing to him now, yet it was such a big deal about a week ago.

After taking a couple of steps, Gippal realised he still had the carving he so lovingly created in his pocket. He took it out and stared intensely at the wooden sculpture, bathed in the pale moonlight, diminishing its colour to a sickly grey. However apt it seemed in this particular situation, Gippal clenched his teeth; how in Spira had he thought that _this_ would save their relationship? His wild fantasy of a reconciliation seemed like a childish daydream now; this moment was too big for his pathetic carving. How he had obsessed over it! All for nothing! Now he just felt embarrassed by his naïve efforts.

But instead of feeding it to the sea, he turned and placed on the sand, lying in a grainy nest. "I made you something," Gippal sighed. He wasn't surprised or concerned that his lacklustre voice sounded defeated, that it was too much of an effort to even speak. "It's not much but I hope you like it." He turned away as she spun to face him, not wanting to see the disgust in her face at the petty gift. If you could even call it a gift.

As he trudged away, he could feel the tears stinging his eye and a devastating weight pressing down on him. This was it. The defining moment of their relationship now that the concept of marriage and children were nothing but disappearing smoke. Gippal's mind unleashed the profanities that had been caged for this moment, pushing him further to despair. He wanted to run, to do something other than stay here with this particular memory; now he understood Rikku's mentality in leaving Besaid. Mashing his lips together tightly, he fought back a scream that was clawing up his throat; he would save that for much later.

"You made this?"

The apprehensive voice carried easily over the still midnight air, but it was so unexpected and musical, Gippal stopped as if he had been electrocuted. Spinning on the spot, he saw Rikku knelt down on the beach, her head bowed, a small object sat in the palm of her hand. His carving.

"You made it out of wood?" she asked a little louder. There was no malice there, no abhorrence, no scorn, just surprise. Surprise and the sadness that had been there since the beginning of their encounter.

"Yes. It's yours. Always has been…I'm just sorry it's not perfect….I think I needed a little more time."

"Oh."

She turned it over in her hands as if carefully poring over its form, though really it was the simplest thing in the world. As it caught the moonlight, Gippal saw the heart he had carved and painted over a couple of days, though the red paint wasn't noticeable in the darkness. It was slightly smaller than her palm and slightly thicker too, but it felt lighter than it looked; how many times had he himself moved it around in his own hands? Scrutinising every blade stroke with rough calloused fingers, cursing at how hard it was in comparison to fixing Machina. Rikku, however, stared at it with an awed reverence, the ocean gently hushing the moment in the background.

"**Ehlnatepma**," her voice floated easily over the stillness, demanding centre stage.

Strange…"Why do you sound so surprised?"

She studied it a few seconds more before answering, the tone in her speech only slightly lighter: "Well, the only thing you really seemed interested in making was Machina."

"Guess I'm full of surprises, huh?"

Looking up at him then, she sighed, her eyes shining on the verge of tears: "Oh, Gippal. I'm so confused."

He took the couple of strides back to where she sat and knelt down to meet her; it was the easiest choice he had made in a long time. In silence they remained as they were; Rikku was trying to stop her sobs, while Gippal watched. Afraid of saying something insensitive, he turned his attention to running his fingers through the soft sand; the texture felt different in regards to the Sanubia Sands. Though he couldn't fully explain why; perhaps the sea was the distinction-

"I've already forgiven you once," her timid voice reminded him, sounding as if she were trying to calm herself. "You did something unexpected and romantic last time too. And I forgave you. Now I don't know what to do."

A ray of glorious hope, even if it were a small one. He wanted to proclaim that he would never hurt her again, that he would love her more than anything, that he would do everything in his power to make their life perfect. But he chose to remain silent; she would make up her mind with or without his input. There was still that very large possibility of a permanent farewell…

"Let me…think about it. Only until tomorrow; I need sleep."

* * *

**Ehlnatepma** = Incredible

**Author's Note: Did you really think I'd forgotten about Gippal? It's been sooooo long. Sorry :( I've been really busy but here is the next chapter; hope you like.**

**I'm going to give myself a deadline because it will probably get finished that way, so the next and final chapter will be up by the 5th November :) **

**Much love x.**


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